Suddenly I See
by motherweshare
Summary: Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes. Feat. Sidney Crosby
1. Chapter 1

"I'm going to stay at my mother's for a while until I find a place to live."

_I can't fucking believe this_, he thought to himself.

"Stay at the house. It's yours. You deserve it," he said somberly, not wanting any of this to happen.

"Sid, I can't stay here. There are too many bad memories," she sniffled, obviously affected by their separation. He knew there were bad memories. It was half the reason he opted to buy another place. The other reason he wanted her to stay was because of all of the good memories their place had.

"But there are also good memories, Sara," he told her, wanting her to be surrounded in their five years together and two years of marriage. He needed her to remember the laughter, love, compassion, romance, and incredible chemistry they had. He hoped it would change her mind about their impending divorce.

"I know…" Her voice cracked. She didn't want to do it, but she had to. She wanted something that he was finding it difficult to give her. As much as they tried, it never came to fruition. He couldn't deny her the one thing she longed for. He had to let her go, and it was physically killing him. His eyes flooded with tears, willing them to stay at bay while he was in public. He wouldn't cry until he was in the confines of his downtown apartment.

"Sidney, I've got to go," she hung up, but not before he heard her let out a sob as she ended the call.

It left him gut wrenched, wanting to drive to the suburbs and hold her, tell her everything would work out, that they just needed patience, time, and a little faith. Everything would work out. They would get what they wanted. But it wouldn't happen, and he had a report to prove it.

He stared distantly at his phone, wondering how his life turned completely upside down. He always considered himself immensely lucky. He did what he loved for a living, won the Stanley Cup and gold metal twice, he had parents and friends that supported him through the good times and bad, he found an amazing, beautiful girl and married her. How could he be so lucky in all aspects of his life except for this? He looked at her, face covered in wedding cake as he smeared it on her, both of them laughing hysterically. It was candid and beautiful, which was the reason he chose that picture as his phone wallpaper. Remembering all of the professional pictures taken during their engagement and wedding, how was it that Fleury's picture was the best?

He locked his phone, not wanting to see the picture anymore. It made a mockery of him every time he saw it. He clenched his teeth, feeling the residual pain from his jaw surgery months ago, wanting the pain. Anything to distract him from the utterly fucked up present.

When the pain became unbearable, he unclenched, rubbing his chin and looked to the sky and closed his eyes. He prayed silently, that God would fix the problem, at least once, and save his marriage. He loved Sara with all of his being.

Opening his eyes, he finally noticed that it was a beautiful autumn day. The leaves were red, brown, and yellow as they moved gently with the breeze. The sun was shining without a cloud in sight. The temperature was brisk, and he loved it. He imagined racking leaves with Sara and their children in this type of weather. Throwing their little ones into piles of leaves or blowing leaves on each other with the leaf blower. It was a nice thought, but one that seemed impossible. He watched as the leaves blew by his reebok brand shoes, tumbling over them with the wind. He made a deal with whatever high power was listening that he'd give it all away, his brand, his endorsements, his playing career, everything for just one.

He looked across the park at the playground, living vicariously through the parents with their children. He yearned for one day in his and Sara's life where he could push his child on a swing, help them on the jungle gym, catch them at the bottom of the slide, or play with them in the sandbox. He watched as a little girl, no older than three, fell and scraped her elbow on the asphalt. Her mother knelt down to wipe away the tears, kissing the "booboo", effectively making the girl better as she ran back toward the swing. If only someone could fix his problem that easily.

He couldn't watch anymore. Placing his head in his hands, he let some of the frustration go. He only let a couple of tears fall as he wiped them away under his baseball hat, not even caring if anyone saw him. He seldom cried, and when he did, it was never obvious. He was so lost in his melancholy thoughts that he didn't notice he had a visitor until he heard a bark.

He jumped up because of the proximity of the noise. Sitting before him was a yellow lab, wagging it's tail excitedly, panting with it's ears perked up, waiting patiently for attention. It reminded him of Sam, his lab at home in Nova Scotia. Maybe he'd have his parents fly her down the next time they came for a visit. Any kind of companionship would be better than none, especially when he moved into his new apartment.

"Hi there," he said quietly as he patted the dog on the head, earning a couple of licks. He noticed instantly that the dog was wearing a large harness, one that he'd never seen before. It was black with a long metal handle that went up at a diagonal. It looked like a service dog harness, but didn't have anything written on it. He searched Google for seeing-eye dog harness, and found that the dog sitting before him was a seeing-eye dog. When he examined the dog's collar, looking for tags or some sort, the collar itself read, "If found, call Parker," followed by a number. He dialed it, hoping that the owner, presumably Parker, would pick up. It rang five times before going to voicemail."

"Hi. You've reached Parker Fisher, leave me a message." The message was cheerful, something Sidney needed more of, but what confused him was the voice on the message. It was a woman, and her name was Parker. It was different. He was so confused by Parker the woman that he forgot he was leaving a message.

"Hi. My name is Sidney. I found your dog in the park. Give me a call when you get this." He hung up, admonishing himself for not leaving his number or what park he was in. While sighted people could just push redial, a blind person wouldn't be able to. Or could they? He didn't know.

"Where's Parker?" he stood as he asked the dog, hoping her name would make the dog perk up, and it did. Instantly, the dog jumped up and started doing circles, whining as it looked to Sidney for the next command, eager to please. It back into Sidney repeatedly, until he realized the dog was trying to tell him to take the harness, and when he took hold if it, the dog started running, surprising Sidney.

"Hold on, Bud. Let's slow down," he pulled back on the harness, effectively causing the dog to walk at almost a glacial pace. He was hoping the dog would guide him to his owner and not for a random walk in the park, although he thought that maybe it would do him some good. Perhaps helping reunite a blind person with their guide dog would bring some luck his way.

"Jersey?" Parker screamed, hoping her guide dog was within earshot. She'd never run off during a run before. Something must have provoked her or spooked her, and Parker prayed it was the former and not the latter.

"I'm going to kill her," Parker sat on the ground with gritted teeth, knowing it would be better to sit and wait for Jersey to find her than it would be for Parker to get lost trying to find her disloyal guide dog. If only her walking stick and cell phone were easier to carry during a run.

"Why didn't I bring my phone?" she huffed, shoving her hands into her ponytail, panicking at the thought of being stranded there for a long period of time. She was wearing cold weather running attire, but it wouldn't help with evening temperatures in October. She told herself that if she sat long enough for the temperature to drop, she's find a long stick and use it to walk and find someone for help. Hopefully someone would be running that trail and find her before that happened.

She sat there for what seemed like hours, cursing under her breath at the lack of people on the trail that day. Of all the people who usually went jogging, the trail was vacant.

She heard jingling, but thought it was a figment of her imagination, like a person seeing a mirage in the desert.

"Is that her?" she heard a man ask from a distance, and the jingling Parker heard turned to whining, then eventually barking. It was a bark she recognized well. Parker began to stand, slowly as not to lose her balance, and walked hesitantly in the direction of Jersey and the man that was walking her.

"Excuse me, are you Parker?"

"Yes. Please tell me you…" she was interrupted by Jersey rubbing against her legs like a cat, making it difficult for Parker to catch the harness. "Found Jersey," she continued as she bent down and hugged her before standing, hopefully looking in the direction of the man who found her.

"Thank you so much. You're a life savor. I thought I was going to be stuck out here all night," she smiled appreciatively.

"My pleasure. She found me and brought me to you. I think she was lost," the man explained kindly.

"Serves her right for running away from me," Parker playfully grabbed Jersey's ear, giving it a squeeze.

"Thank you, again," Parker held out her hand in introduction, wanting to properly thank the nameless man who helped her.

"I'm Sidney," he said, taking her hand to shake it.

"Parker, but you already knew that from the collar," she put her hand on her hip before looking toward Jersey, who was sitting beside her, waiting patiently.

"Well, I hope she didn't cause you too much trouble finding me," Parker said as she gave Jersey a silent command, making her stand.

The two started to walk toward the beginning of the trail. Parker gripped the harness with all of her strength. Jersey wasn't going to run off again. She wondered why Jersey went to Sidney out of all the people walking around the park. He couldn't have been the only person around. It was a Saturday afternoon and the weather was nice. Maybe Jersey picked up on something from him and she needed to help him. She was trained to read Parker's moods and nonverbal clues. Perhaps he was in need of help. Jersey didn't feel threatened by him or else she'd growl at him. As she was thinking, Jersey started whining and pulling backwards.

"What the hell is wrong with you today," Parker asked as she tried to correct Jersey from pulling backwards. Maybe he was walking behind them. Parker had an idea.

"Sidney," she turned. If he was behind them, he'd hear her and respond. If not, Jersey was probably reacting to the same stimuli as earlier, which meant they needed to get off of that trail.

"Yes," he answered as he walked next to her, making Parker jump a little. She obviously didn't expect him to be that close.

"Would you mind walking with us to the exit of the park? I usually wouldn't ask, and please don't hesitate to say no if you can't, but Jersey wont walk properly, and if she runs off again, I'll be stranded."

Sidney could tell she didn't want to inconvenience him by the look on her face. It was cute how she rambled, and he understood her fears about her guide dog. He couldn't leave a helpless person in a dangerous position.

"I'd be happy to walk you out of the park," he told her. Maybe walking with a disabled stranger would be a good thing. Who knew, she could've been a renowned reproductive therapist, brought to him by fate to help him with Sara. He knew it was a long shot, but doing something out of his comfort zone could be exactly what he needed.

"So, how'd you come up with the name Jersey for your female dog?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

"She actually came to me with that name. I thought it was different, so I kept it," she shrugged.

"Hmm… I just thought maybe you were a huge sports fan."

"I am. Its one of the reasons I kept the name," she nodded.

"All sports or just a couple in particular?" he probed, not wanting to go back to the silence where he found himself thinking about Sara. Parker was turning out to be a nice distraction from his horrible day.

"I grew up playing softball and field hockey, so baseball and hockey are a given. I listened to baseball games on the radio as a kid, so not being able to watch the game isn't a big deal to me."

Sidney watched as she gestured with her hands and wondered if she was aware that she was a hand talker, or if it was a product of being blind to make up for lack of eye contact. He was amazed at how open her eyes were. They seemed alive and functioning, like maybe she wasn't completely blind.

"I listen to hockey games, but it's not the same. It's such game of movement and momentum that verbal commentary doesn't do it justice."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense," he agreed, knowing exactly what she was talking about.

"What about you?"

"I love hockey," he said with a smile. Anyone who knew him knew that. But she didn't know him, or maybe she did know of Sidney Crosby, but the lack of sight made her unaware that she was talking to him. While he hadn't known her longer than fifteen minutes, the anonymity she gave to him was something new, something he wished he had more of. Once his divorce was finalized and made into public knowledge, everyone in Pittsburgh would be watching, questioning, and making assumptions about him him, except Parker. He'd have to hold on to this new acquaintance.


	2. Chapter 2

He sat on the same bench, watching the same parents and children at the same playground on that unusually warm December afternoon. The park had become a ritual lately, something he found himself doing when he needed to clear his head, which seemed to be every day he wasn't practicing or playing. The park symbolized clarity to him, like he gained some perspective when he went that particular park.

While he wasn't looking for her, he never saw Parker since that afternoon three months ago. He walked her to the gate, they had a formal goodbye, and parted ways. Whenever he thought about her, he wondered if she quit taking Jersey to that park because the dog was so disobedient. He didn't blame her. Without Jersey, Parker lost all of her independence, and that must've frightening, sitting on a trail without her guide dog.

He looked at his watch. It was ten past three in the afternoon, and he'd be going to meet with his lawyer to finalize his divorce later that evening. He'd busied himself with too many television and magazine interviews, long workouts and practices to really sit down process any of his feelings. He'd been compartmentalizing everything, and eventually he would come undone. For now, he'd sit and think about Sara and his future without her.

Without even comprehending what he was doing, his phone was pressed against his ear, listening to the ringing before she answered.

"Sidney, you're not supposed to be calling me."

Sara's voice was a mixture of concern, irritation, and longing, like she hated that he called, but wanted to hear from him more than ever.

"I know. I wont be long. I just wanted to see if you were at the house, I have some more stuff I need to pick up. If it's too much, I'll come another time," he said, attempting to sound unfazed, but failed miserably when his voice dropped when she said she wasn't home. He hoped she'd be there, a last stitch effort to win her back, to call off the divorce.

Picking himself up off the bench, he walked to the parking lot and started his car, hoping the traffic would be as horrendous as possible. Maybe if he took a while to get there, she'd come home and they'd have to see each other. Of course, it took him only twenty minutes to get to the house he had built for Sara and his soon to be growing family. Like the wallpaper picture on his phone, the large house was another mockery of his failed marriage and failed family. He missed Sara dearly, but he didn't miss what that house was supposed to represent.

Opening the door, the smell hit him all at once. Sara burned candles like she was trying to start a fire. She especially loved the fall-scented aromas. Walking into the foyer, he smelt pumpkin, no doubt a Yankee Candle she recently picked up. He walked into the kitchen, smelling sugar cookies. She must've just made a batch because they were lying on a plate on the counter.

He surveyed the grand room. Everything looked exactly as he left it, expect it felt empty and unfulfilled. He sat on the sofa, remembering the first time he and Sara sat down as a married couple, holding hands, cuddling, kissing, making love for the first time in their new home. It seemed like ages ago, but he wished he had a time machine to get it all back.

He slowly walked up the stairs, looking at the picture of Sara and him as he moved toward his office, needing to get some paperwork that he left behind. One stood out among the others. It was a picture of Sid and Sara with her niece Phoebe. They were walking on the beach in Long Island where her family lived. Phoebe was between Sid and Sara as they walked hand in hand. The picture was taken without their knowledge by Sara's sister. It was later that night they tried to conceive for the first time. He took it off the hook, deciding he'd take it with him. If Sara cared about it, he'd have a copy made and sent to her.

He bypassed his office toward their bedroom. He opened the double doors and let his arms fall to his sides like they were carrying heavy sand bags. He silently cursed that room, irrationally blaming it for his infertility problems. The bed wasn't made, one thing Sara always left for him to do in the morning. She claimed a made bed wasn't as comfortable because her feet couldn't breathe. He ran his hands over the crisp white sheets, the ones his aunt and uncle gave them as a wedding gift. He could practically see her panting as he made love to her hour on end, knowing that they'd eventually get pregnant. What a joke.

He eventually entered his office, looking at the stack of crap and rubber banded mail he left sitting on his desk to be looked at. He didn't care about any of it, but he'd take it and organize it at home, his new home, without Sara, at the apartment.

He froze when he heard the front door open, causing the alarm system to beep. She said she'd be out all afternoon. What was she doing there? She knew he'd be coming to pick up stuff. He tip toed to the door to listen, shaking his head at himself at how idiotic he must've looked. Of course she knew he was there. His truck was parked in the driveway. He listened as she climbed the stairs, doing it slower than usual, probably noticing the missing picture on the wall. He went back to his desk, desperately trying to make himself oblivious to her. He heard her feet shuffling against the carpet as she entered the doorframe.

"Why'd you take the picture of us and Phoebe?"

When he turned, he almost had to do a double take. Sara had to have lost at least ten pounds. She was skin and bones. She had large dark circles under her eyes. They looked like they could be twins. His eyes had similar marks due to the lack of sleep he'd gotten.

"Are you eating?" he asked concernedly as he walked closer to her. During one of their first heart to hearts, she admitted that she was once had an eating disorder. He feared she'd had a recurrence.

"Yes, I'm eating. But it's hard to eat without an appetite," she looked down at her wrists, rubbing them uncomfortably.

"Please answer my question," she begged when she looked up at him.

"I'm taking it because I love the picture and everything that it stood for," he explained, wanting to reach out and pull her into a hug before he kissed her like it his life depended on it.

"You can't take it," she swallowed hard, on the verge of tears. She gently pried the picture from his hands and look at it, wiping the tear away that hit the glass pane.

"I like to look at this picture and pretend she was ours," she admitted, touching Phoebe through the glass.

"We don't have to do this. I love you and I know you love me. Why can't it just be the two of us? " Sidney grabbed her hand and pulled her to him, hugging her tightly as she cried into his chest.

"I want a family," she sniffled. "Please don't deprive me of that," she looked up at him, sadness filling her eyes along with something else, a look that he'd seen on many occasions. It was the look that asked him to kiss her.

"Why'd you come home?" He looked her deep in the eyes, reading her to the core. He already knew, but he wanted to hear her say it.

"Because I wanted to see you," she whispered, looking at his lips before she started to lean in.

He crashed into with a fiery kiss, causing her to whimper into his mouth as she wrapped her arms around his neck, griping his hair as he picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist. He walked them into the master bedroom, kicking the door open, as they clung to one another for the last time in the house they built together. He laid her on the bed, kissing her passionately as he laid between her legs, pushing her dress up simultaneously. She pulled at the hem of his shirt, trying to work it over his head, feeling his back flex as he finished taking it off, throwing it somewhere in the room. She reveled in the feeling of his toned muscles, the ones she clenched every time they had sex, the ones that would be gone after this. He started to unbutton her shirtdress, kissing down her neck and chest as he went, making her whimper as he gently bit down on the side of her covered breast. In a primitive way, he wanted to mark her, for all other men to see. Except, it wouldn't matter because he lost her. He couldn't perform the one masculine duty to his wife; he wouldn't impregnate her. Leaving a mark would be a joke for other men to laugh at.

He pulled her bra down, revealing her breast and the bite mark, and kissed the dented flesh. It wasn't her fault, and while he resented her for divorcing him, he couldn't take out his anger on her. He moved to her nipple, flicking it with his tongue, making her involuntarily gyrate against him. When he took the pink flesh between his teeth, pulling gently, her aroused moan filled the entire room, bouncing from wall to wall like there were acoustics. He released, watching her entire breast subtly bounce. He would miss them. They were perfect.

With his other hand, he worked her out of her underwear while he moved to the other breast, repeating every action, knowing she loved it all. He quickly moved in front of her, kneeling on the floor as he spread her legs. She peered down at him, leaning on her elbows to watch, biting her bottom lip in anticipation for the dirty thing he did with those lips and tongue. At first, he blew air on her clit, making her squirm, breaking out in goose bumps, but when he latched on, sucking her clit and releasing with a snap, she threw her entire upper body on the bed as if she and the bed were both magnetized. As he worked her over, making her quiver from head to curled toes, he knew no other man could do this for her. She once told him that he was made with big lips and tongue just to give good head. How many men could make their wives have multiple orgasms through oral sex alone? He made his move, moving from her clit to her opening, sticking his tongue as far in as it would go while rubbing her clit with his thumb.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" she squealed as she started coming, holding his head against her as she rode his face. He moaned into her, unbuttoning his paints to free himself, gently stroking himself for the first time since he moved out. He thought that if he masturbated, it would somehow some how lower his nonexistent chance to ever have a baby. But it felt too good to stop.

He stood up, pushing his pants down, never breaking eye contact with her as she finished unbuttoning her shirtdress, letting it fall open on either side of her. She reached around herself to unclasp her bra, tossing it on the floor. He climbed between her legs again, kissing her as he slowly buried himself deep inside of her.

"Fuuuccckkk," he hissed against her cheek as she turned her head to moan into a throw pillow, one that he picked out during one of their hundred of visits to Pottery Barn.

He pulled all the way out before quickly thrusting back in, making her clutch the duvet with both hands, breathing hard as he made love to her the way she begged for it, hard. He continued the routine, short quick thrusts followed by long hard thrusts until she was screaming obscenities, leaving no room without sound. But he wanted to make this last time as memorable as possible. He pulled out, backed himself off of the bed before pulling her by the ankles toward the edge of the bed, just enough so that her ass was partially hanging off. He lifted her and shoved a pillow under, guaranteeing him to hit her g-spot every time he pushed into her. Spreading her legs, he grabbed his penis and rubbed it against her, jiggling it against her clit, watching as she dug her nails into her thighs from the pleasure. Without warning, he pushed into her to the hilt, holding himself inside of her as she moved around him, desperate for him to continue. He pushed her knees onto the mattress, opening her all the way as he started to fuck her, making the box spring scream with the amount of force he was using, driving her down into the mattress.

"Oh my god yes," she cried toward the ceiling, gripping his forearms for support.

All of the hurt, all of the emotion, all of the pain, all of the confusion, all of everything he felt in the last couple of months was used to fuck her, hoping that she would feel all of it, emotionally and physically.

"I'm coming," she threw her head back, squeezing her eye shut. He already knew. He'd been studying every tick and quiver of her body for five years, not to mention the fact that her g-spot was about to burst. He'd miss that, too. Not every girl did that, and he'd grown to look forward to it. He pulled out, rubbing her fingers over her vagina quickly and forcefully while he pinned her leg down with his. And when it happened, he wondered if he'd ever meet another girl that ejaculated.

"Sidney," she cried, throwing her back, moaning through every orgasmic contraction as he finished her before pushing back in. He closed his eyes, telling himself that this was not the last time, and slowed down, taking his time as he envisioned their entire past in a couple of minutes. He didn't notice that she had pulled him down to lay against her, rocking slowly in and out, wanting the moment to last forever. She pushed his face up to meet hers.

"I love you," she said softly before kissing him, making him come instantly at the affection that he'd craved for months. She swallowed his groans as he quaked on top of her, coming harder than he had in a long time. Afraid he was crushing her, he moved to lift himself off, but Sara stopped him.

"Don't," she pulled him down, guiding his head to lay on her chest, listening to her heart beat resume to normal after their intimate moment. He focused on her breathing, matching it with his before he let himself succumb to sleep.

When he woke, he was alone, naked in his former bedroom. It was still light outside, so he must not have been asleep for long. Looking around, he noticed all of Sara's clothes were gone as was she. He noticed a small note on his old nightstand.

"I'm sorry. Please take care of yourself. Sara."

He didn't even notice that the framed picture he wanted sat underneath the note. He thought that maybe it was a parting gift to him. He stood up and dressed quickly, knowing he had to get downtown and ready for his meeting with his lawyer that evening. He turned at the door, seeing so many memories flash before his eyes in a matter of seconds. Putting the picture under his arm, he took his files and mail and left, not looking back for fear that he would have a break down. He climbed into his truck and backed out of the long driveway at a dangerous speed, knowing he had to get into the highway before he could breathe. He turned on the radio, wanting to create any kind of distraction. He scanned through the stations, finding all of it useless until he hit a rock station and listened. The song spoke volumes to him.

"Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever. Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever. One last kiss before I go. Dry your tears. It is time to let you go. One last kiss."

He turned it up until it was physically unbearable to his ears, humming the song that seemed to narrate his last couple of hours with Sara as he headed into downtown Pittsburgh.

"How fitting," he muttered to himself as he stepped out of his truck in the parking garage, walking toward the elevator bay, inadvertently ignoring the couple of fans that spotted him as he stepped into the elevator.

One last kiss…


	3. Chapter 3

"One last signature here and everything will be finalized," his lawyer pointed at the dotted line with his pen.

Sidney paused, holding his pen-clad hand over the line, wanting to wake up from this horrible nightmare. It wasn't until he felt his father's hand squeeze his shoulder that he realized time wasn't standing still like he wanted. His parents flew out earlier that day, per his request while he collected tangible and intangible things from the house. He looked at his dad, the man who provided him with a tough-love guidance his entire life, begging him for direction on this unfamiliar territory. He knew his father couldn't help him. His parents had been married for years, and while there were hiccups along the way, they always seemed to work them out. If only he and Sara could've been so lucky. He quickly signed the last signature space, pushing it away toward his lawyer. He surmised that if he didn't have to look at it, it didn't exist. Out of sight, out of mind.

"It'll be ok, son," he heard his father say, patting his back supportively.

"Will it?" He looked to his father for a second time, asking for some kind of answer to a question nobody knew the answer to, only to receive a sympathetic expression. Sidney took his whiskey and coke, drinking the entirety of the glass in two gulps before forcefully putting it back on the table, swirling the glass around the condensation-soaked tablecloth. He figured he would stop at a liquor store on the way home to buy more whiskey. His mind needed to be as numb as possible. He would self-medicate tonight.

Inside of using her father to drive him to his apartment, he decided to walk for the sake of being alone. He stared vacantly at the wreaths, Christmas lights, and cheerful holiday decorations as he walked by, devoid of the usual merriment it symbolized to him. It would be his first Christmas without Sara or her family. He forgot that he bought Phoebe a deluxe Barbie car for Christmas. What would he do with the gifts from his parents to her? Should he still send her parent's gifts? If only there was a book on divorce etiquette, maybe he'd be better equipped to navigate himself through this.

Stepping into the liquor store, he walked briskly to the whiskey aisle, grabbing three bottles of his favorite brand, wondering how quickly he'd go through the bottles. He looked around, knowing he'd probably be recognized, and while he'd usually never present himself like this in public, conscious of how it could compromise his appearance, he decided he didn't care, not tonight, anyway. There was only one other couple in the store, holding hands, displaying more affection than Sidney ever felt was necessary. He bet they'd only been together for a short while, maybe three to five months. It was a game he and Sara played when they went out. They never knew the real amount of time, but it was fun to guess based off of physicality alone.

He walked to the counter, clinking the bottles as he set them down. He pulled his wallet out of his pocket, never looking at the attendant.

"I'm a huge fan," the girl grinned as she ran his credit card, shooting him flirtatious looks. Sidney put on his interview smile as he thanked her.

"I hope you have a merry Christmas," she said as he walked toward the door. It would be an absolute shit Christmas, and while he knew his attitude was grim, he didn't want to be a Scrooge.

"You, too," he said as he exited the store.

If it wasn't for the fact that drinking in public was illegal, he would've opened a bottle and chugged. His apartment building was within sight, so he quickened his pace to seclude himself in the solitude of his apartment where he could cry, yell, punch the wall, or drink himself silly.

As he was approaching the complex, a car pulled up to the curve, hardly parked when a woman abruptly got out, walking quickly to the door. He watched, feeling nothing but empathy for the poor guy who's date was steadfast on getting away from him.

"Goodnight," the girl yelled without looking back at the driver, as she walked quickly to the door.

_Just get to the elevator._

That was the only thought going through Parker's head as she made a mad dash from the car toward the door of her apartment building. Her heart beat so loudly that she barely heard her colleague ask if they could have dinner again. She yelled goodbye without looking back, and welcomed the rush of warm arm coming from the lobby as the doorman opened the door as he did for her everyday. The lobby was her safe haven.

"Do you need any assistance, Ms. Fisher?"

"No thank you, Robert," she shouted as she quickly passed him, waving her hand in his direction.

_Keep walking. It's a straight shot with no obstacles. You've done this with Jersey dozens of times,_ she tried to coach herself as she shuffled toward the elevators. She had to keep reminding herself that this small feat could be accomplished through sense memory and repetition. She began to calm down when she heard the dinging of the elevator get closer, but the noise coming out of the elevator made her stomach drop. Children, lots of them, running out of the elevator. Sneakers screeching on the tiled floor as a young boy shouted, "I'm gonna get you!" followed by an even younger girl screaming, shoes squeaking as she sprinted in an attempt to get away.

_Goddammit_, Parker thought as she slowed her quick pace in an attempt to avoid them, but not before she tripped over what she presumed to be one of the children's legs. And then there was silence throughout the lobby. As she hit the floor, she hoped her hearing went out, silently praying that the entire lobby wasn't staring with horrified looks plastered on their faces. Then she heard to whispers all in unison.

"Look look look!" "Oh my God." "Is she ok?" "Where are the parents?"

_This is so fucking embarrassing_. She was just about to push herself up and run into the elevator when she heard a male voice offer a kind, "May I help you?" followed by a gentle grab of her hand and arm without an answer.

Sidney watched in shock horror as everyone gazed at the fallen woman, wondering why someone hadn't offered to help her up, especially the parents of the children that tripped her.

He jogged over the woman to help her, something that he mother instilled in him at a young age. She was already on her knees by that time, trying to get her balance to stand fully erect.

"May I help you?" he asked, knowing that some people do not take kindly to charity. He gently took her forearm in his hand and noticed something immediately. It was a watch he'd seen before on a person that he wondered why they'd be wearing it given their particular situation. It was Parker, red in the face, obviously embarrassed.

"Thank you," she whispered as she took his arm in her hand as he slowly hoisted her to standing. She was in the process of smoothing her dress when she tipped her clutch upside down, emptying the contents onto the lobby floor, producing a loud thud.

"Jesus Christ, this keeps getting better," she muttered to herself sarcastically, bending over slowly to touch the ground before she tried to collect her phone, wallet, hand sanitizer, lip balm, and to Sidney's surprise, a condom, which he picked up instantly, not wanting the kids or the elderly to see it.

"I've got it," is all she heard as she was gently ushered to standing again and waited for her clutch to be returned. Parker felt her face heat with mortification, not only because of the tripping and falling, but also because she usually kept a condom in there and hoped that it wasn't exposed on the floor for the entire lobby to see, including the kind man that was helping her.

"Do you need help getting on the elevator?" the man asked as he handed Parker the clutch into her extended hand. Usually she would decline because she could do it herself, but after her miserable ride home, the unwanted touching in the car, and debacle in the lobby, she took the man on his offer.

"Please," she smiled defeated, hoping that the night would be over soon. He gently put his hand on the middle of her back and guided her toward the opened elevator. It was only after the doors closed and she was out of the lobby that she finally exhaled.

Parker cleared her throat. "Thank you for helping," she paused, looking toward him, wanting the name of the nice man that helped her.

"Sidney," he told her. He smiled for the first time that day as her face lit up brightly with recognition.

"Sidney? Like, Sidney from the park, Sidney?" she asked with her head cocked to the side.

"You guessed it," he said as he pushed his floor button.

"Would you mind pressing twenty-three?" she asked as she felt for the back wall of the elevator, leaning on it.

"So, Sidney from the park. What brings you to this apartment building?" she broke the silence. Her extension of his name made him chuckle under his breath.

"I live here. I just moved in about two months ago," he explained as he followed her motions, leaning back on the wall.

"I guess that would explain why we frequent the same park," she nodded, pushing hair behind her ear when it fell into her face.

"Except, I haven't seen you recently. I figured you didn't want to bring Jersey back."

The elevator came to a sudden stop, beeping repetitively for ten seconds before it ceased. Parker could hear Sidney pressing the buttons frantically trying to get the elevator moving again. After a short conversation with someone named Holly, probably the new girl at the front desk of the apartment lobby, he hung up.

"I think we're going to be stuck here for a bit," he sighed before continuing. "Something about an electrical shortage…" All he wanted to do was get back to his apartment and drink himself into an oblivion.

"Well in that case, I'm making myself more comfortable," she said as she removed her coat, laying it on the floor before sitting on it, kicking off her shoes.

"I really hope you're not offended by this, but I've been standing in these heels for almost five hours," she rubbed her feet, working out the redness and knots. Sidney followed suit, sitting down, making himself comfortable for the duration of the elevator problem.

"Those shoes look incredibly painful." Sidney never understood why women wore heels. They looked nice, yes, but they had to be uncomfortable. His dress shoes were uncomfortable and they were flat.

"They're not as bad as some of the others I have. They're my favorite pair, so I tolerate them," Parker explained, pulling hand sanitizer out of her clutch to clean her hands.

"Jersey and I go to the park every afternoon for a run," she told him, changing the subject back to what it was before the elevator shut down.

"I like to go there and think," Sidney admitted, wanting to add to the conversation. He didn't know much information he would divulge, but Parker seemed like a nice person without ulterior motives to talk to him. Given that she was blind, he found it very admirable that she always seemed so chipper, even in the face of hardship. Being blind meant he would've never played hockey professionally.

"Maybe that's why you don't see us," she said, interrupting his thoughts. He looked at her, surprised that she was looking _at_ him. She wasn't making eye contact, per say, but if she moved her eyes upward slightly, she'd be looking at him.

"You're blinded by your thoughts," she said earnestly, before realizing her choice of words.

"No pun intended," she chuckled, making him laugh a little. Sidney liked that Parker was so light hearted about her problem. She didn't take herself too seriously. He could take a page from her book.

"So have you been blind your whole life?" Sidney asked, hoping the question wasn't too forward.

"I've actually only been blind for about five years. I had an aggressive bacteria settle on the optic nerves in both eyes," she told him without hesitation, not bothered by his probing into her life. He wondered how she could be so positive about losing her sight, the strongest sense of any sighted person.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Thank you for the sympathy, but you don't need to be sorry. It's really not all that bad. I live in a beautiful apartment, I have an amazing job that I love, the best friends in the world that would jump at the chance to help, the greatest and most supportive parents, and wonderful people like you who aren't afraid of me for being different," she smiled genuinely at him, wanting him to know she appreciated his kindness and generosity.

"There is an upside to everything. We just need to remember it."

Sidney nodded his head. Parker seemed to have the most profound insights, like she knew him and spoke specifically about his situation. Was it just a coincidence, or did she actually sense his depression?

"That remains to be seen," he sighed out loud, but more to himself. Parker could hear the change of tone and mood in his voice. He sounded melancholy, all if a sudden, helpless, even. She must've struck a nerve, but she couldn't be sure. She opened her mouth several times to talk, not sure what to say, before she shut her eyes and went for it.

"I know I may be overstepping my bounds, so forgive me, but, if something going on in your life, it will get better. Some times the upside doesn't present itself immediately, but it's there. I'm speaking from experience..."

When she first lost her sight, she went through an awful depression. She felt handicapped, unable to function. She had completely lost her independence. She didn't think she'd be able to complete her Master's Degree. She couldn't read braille. She'd have to learn a completely new alphabet, one based on feeling. How would she complete her Master's Thesis without being able to read or do proper research? She considered quitting, but her advisor helped her through the major life change. If Parker could provide that kind of insight for Sidney, she'd give it to him with the intention of helping. He could see it faintly in her eyes as she looked down at her hands, the darkness that she kept compartmentalized somewhere in her psyche, but not forgotten. She has experienced some sort of depression as well. He wanted to know what it was, but for now, he wanted to talk to the cheerful woman he met in the park.

"What was the upside of running away from your date earlier?" Sidney smiled as he asked, lightening the solemn mood they'd created. He wanted to take his question back when he noticed how flushed she become. She blushed so hard it ran down her neck and chest.

"Paul is one of my co-workers. We both teach Language Arts at a local high school. At the benefit tonight, he laid it on pretty hard, which I'm used to from him, but when he tried to kiss me, and started making out with my chin, I had to get away from him." She grimaced, rubbing her chin as she told the story. It was one thing for him to miss and kiss her chin by accident. In her experience, she'd leaned in and kissed chins or noses by mistake. Paul wasn't blind, so the fact that he was full on making out with her chin meant she had to get into the apartment complex as fast as possible so Paul didn't follow her. It was a horrible kiss.

When she heard Sidney laugh, her breath hitched. She'd never heard a real laugh like that. It was high-pitched, feminine, and she couldn't help but laugh as well, not at him, but with him. It was contagious. It was a genuine laugh.

"Did you do anything fun this evening?" Parker asked, catching her breath from laughing excessively. She enjoyed talking to Sidney from the park. She secretly wished the elevator wouldn't start up anytime soon. When he let out a downhearted sigh, however, She noticed the mood shifting again to one that was dejected.

"I finalized my divorce," he said softly, but it resonated throughout the elevator, like he was saying it onto a microphone at Consol Energy Center. He didn't expect himself to admit it so easily, but their was something about Parker and the anonymity he had with her that made it flow out of him like water. He knew somewhere in his soul that she wouldn't judge him like the rest of the public would. How could she? She didn't know who he was.

"Oh God. I'm so sorry," she expressed, covering her mouth out of surprise. She would never have asked had she known, and felt terrible for asking without knowing him better. She was having so much fun with him that she forgot she didn't have any real idea who he was, other than the fact that his name was Sidney, he loved hockey, and he was very recently divorced. She wanted to reach out and touch him, showing some sort of comfort, but decided against it.

"I'm just waiting for this upside that I've heard so much about." It may have been a long shot, but Sidney wondered if Parker was the upside to his divorce. She'd shown up the day after the divorce was discussed, and managed to make another appearance in his life the day his divorce was finalized. On both occurrences, she'd managed to distract him from his miserable life, if only for a moment, and he appreciated it, wanted it, even. Maybe she was the guidance he was looking for from his father. Maybe her light would guide him through the dark time in his life. While he'd aided her twice, maybe fate brought them together to guide him.

"You'll find it," she assured him.

"I think I may already have," he spurted without a filter, referring to Parker.

The elevator sprang to life, continuing up to the higher floors as if nothing had every happened, causing Parker to jump slightly at the sudden movement. They both stood, collecting their items, Parker putting on her shoes and coat while Sidney picked up his bag of whiskey. When the door opened on the Twenty-third floor, they both walked out together. Sidney could walk to the next floor by taking the stairs. He wanted to make sure Parker made it into her apartment without a problem.

"Do you live on this floor?" Parker asked, putting her key into the door.

"I'm the next floor up. I wanted to make sure you got in ok," he admitted, watching as she smiled, blushing a little. She opened the door letting Jersey out. The dog ran to Sidney, whining and yelping excitedly.

"Jersey, harness," Parker commanded, and without a second thought from the dog, she sat in front of Parker, putting her right paw up to slide into the harness followed by the left. Sidney watched in amazement as Parker and Jersey worked as a team.

"Well, I'm going to head upstairs. Have a good evening," he said, walking backward, waiting for a response from Parker.

"Sidney?" she said suddenly, making him walk back toward her door. She wasn't sure what she was doing, but felt like it was the right thing to do, like she'd miss out on an opportunity if she didn't put herself out on a limb.

"Would you like to go walking with us?" she asked, looking down as Jersey, hoping not to get rejected.

"I'd like that," he responded without a moment's hesitation, surprising himself at how fast he responded and how much it felt right.

"I just need to go upstairs and change. How about we meet in the lobby in five minutes?" he offered, untying his tie as he walked backwards toward the stairwell, waiting for her response. He didn't understand why, but her coy smile made him feel needed, something that he hadn't felt in a long time.

"Ok," she nodded, waving as she shut the door and changed into a pair of jeans and sweatshirt, throwing on a pair of toms as she reopened the door to walk Jersey outside.

Sidney was in the process of leaving, pulling his door open as he heard his phone ring. He would've ignored it, but it was Sara's ringtone. His heart was in his throat. Why was she calling him? By the time he got to his phone, she'd left him a text message that read, "I need you. Call me." He didn't want to make Parker wait in the lobby, but the glimmering hope that Sara wanted him back made him sit on the couch, reading the message over and over before his pressed redial, crossing his fingers that everything would change.


	4. Chapter 4

"What do you think Jersey? How long should we wait before it looks desperately obvious?" Parker asked out loud, pulling her scarf tighter around her neck. The temperature was nice for December, but once the sun set, the cold Pittsburgh weather reared it's ugly head. She chided herself for waiting as long as she already had, and when Jersey started to pull Parker away from where they stood, Parker knew it was time to go back.

"I guess you're right," she sighed, walking briskly toward the door. She had work to do for her students, so she decided she'd busy her mind with that.

"Good evening, Ms. Fisher."

"Good night, Robert," Parker greeted the doorman. She adored him because he had been so helpful and understanding when she went through the transition of learning to function without sight. He also always gave Jersey a treat after her evening walk before bed. It was a ritual, and Parker enjoyed that.

They took the stairs, not wanting another elevator debacle. If it wasn't for the fact that they ran everyday, climbing the twenty-three floors would've been brutal, but Jersey kept Parker walking slowly, knowing stairs could be tricky.

Closing her door, she peeled her scarf and coat off, hanging them on her coat rack before heading into her living room. She found her school brief case, felt the titles of the books, and pulled out her Shakespeare anthology book. Her students had just finished _Romeo and Juliet_, and she decided on _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ next. As she skimmed through the text briefly trying to figure out her lesson plan, she wondered what it would be like if Puck's enchanted eye drops actually existed. She could help her new friend through his heartache by turning his vision to someone else. She heard the clinking of the glass bottles in the elevator, and when he explained solemnly that he just finalized his divorce, she guessed that the bottles contained alcohol. She let her mind wander as to why he was recently divorced. Was it his fault, was it her fault, or did they fall out of love? Were there children involved? Her questions were endless. Of course, she barely knew him other than his love for the park. He mentioned that he hadn't seen her lately. Was he looking for her? Parker shook her head. He obviously wasn't as interested in their new friendship as she was. She waited for him for close to a half an hour before she gave up.

Sidney awoke with a crook in his neck, having fallen asleep in the most awkward, uncomfortable, drunken position. His head was hanging off of his couch. Wincing as he corrected his neck, cracking it along the way, he surveyed the room. One of his bottles of whiskey was completely empty, lying on its side on the floor. The second was half empty next to an empty glass. He noticed the sun was starting to rise, guessing that it was between six and seven in the morning. He put his head in his hands, groaning at the crippling headache he had. He reminisced about the previous day: the park, the house, the sex, the dinner, the last signature that ended everything, the walk home, the broken elevator with Parker, walking Parker to her door, walking with Parker.

"Fuck…" he lifted his head quickly, feeling nauseous at the sudden movement as his head spun. He was so worried about Sara's call that he'd forgotten about Parker. He told her to meet him in the lobby five minutes after he left her apartment. He felt guilty. She'd been there for him, even if it was by chance, taking his mind off of his misery with insightful advice. There was an upside. As he looked at his living room, he realized that alcohol wasn't the upside he needed.

He stood slowly, careful not to upset his stomach anymore than it already was. He walked to the bathroom, leaning on the wall behind the toilet with his hand as he relieved the pressure of his bladder, afraid he'd fall from the dizziness of the hangover.

"I'm never drinking again…" he said to himself in the mirror, examining the dark blue circles around his eyes, the redness and dehydration of his skin, and the cracks on his lips. As he was brushing his teeth, there was a knock on his door, making his head hurt more with every rap.

"Coming," he called before he wiped his face. When he looked through his peephole, he groaned. He loved his teammates, but he didn't want to see any of them.

"Hey man," he said flatly after he opened his door for Marc.

"You look like shit," Marc looked at Sid in horror.

"I'm aware. Are you coming in or are you just going to stand there?" he left his door open as he walked back into his apartment to change. He wanted to shower. He reeked of booze, and the smell was making his stomach turn. He unbuttoned his dress shirt and threw it in his closet, stretching his neck and shoulders.

"I just wanted to come check on you to make sure you were ok after last night," Marc explained from the doorway. When Sid looked at him, ready to yell that he wasn't ok, that it was senseless for Marc to check on him, that he'd be a wreck forever because he couldn't see a future without Sara, but when he saw how concerned Marc looked, he decided against it.

"I'm not ok," Sid said as he pulled an old tee shirt on followed by a hoodie.

"I could tell. You drunk dialed me a couple of time last night."

Sidney thought about last night, what he could remember, anyway. He didn't remember calling anyone.

"Sorry. I don't remember anything. I polished off a bottle and a half of whiskey," he said from inside his closet, changing into a pair of basketball shorts. He knew he should go to the rink and practice, sweat out the alcohol by skating or working out, but his stomach told him he needed to stay in close proximity to a toilet.

"We could tell. If it makes you feel any better, Vero wants to kill Sara for what she's done," Marc said as Sid exited the closet, making his way out toward the living room.

"Sara didn't do anything wrong," Sidney almost yelled defensively in an attempt to protect Sara, but brought in the reigns. He'd known Vero longer than he'd known Sara, and she'd always been a good friend, like a big sister to him.

"She purposely met you at the house, knowing you're in a fragile state, and lured you into having sex with her, leaving you to wake up alone. You don't see what's wrong with that?" Marc questioned.

"Look, I appreciate that you two look after me, but it's complicated and between Sara and I. I'll figure it out," he said, leaning back on his couch, looking at the ceiling.

"I know how stubborn you are, so I'll let it go, but I need to know something," Marc started. "Who's Parker?"

Like earlier, Sidney whipped his head down to look at Marc. How could he possibly know about Parker?

"You were talking about a girl named Parker last night. About her being an upside? What the hell does that mean?"

Sidney sighed before he started to recount the story to Marc. "Parker is a girl I met in the park two months ago…"

"Parker from the park. Has a nice ring to it," Marc joked, trying to make Sidney laugh.

"Well, her guide dog got away…"

"Guide dog? She's blind?" Marc questioned eagerly.

"Would you let me talk? Christ… Anyway, I was feeling really low, watching the parents and children at the playground. Out of nowhere, this dog rattled me out of my thoughts as she sat at my feet. When I saw she was a guide dog, I took her for a walk to find her owner. Parker was sitting by herself on this trail, waiting for her dog to come back. When I returned the dog to her, she asked if I'd walk with her incase her dog ran off again, so I did. I didn't see her anymore at the park. Then last night, I saw her run out of a car, which I thought was a date, but it turns out it wasn't. Some kids tripped her in the lobby, making her fall, so I helped her into the elevator, which broke down half way up. We talked for a bit. She's nice, easy to talk to, especially since she has no idea who I am other than my first name. She could hear that I was upset, and told me there was an upside to everything. I walked her to her door and was supposed to meet her in the lobby so she could walk her dog, but I got distracted by Sara's missed call."

When he looked to Marc, he saw his friend smiling, and Sidney didn't understand.

"You went looking for her last night," Marc told him.

"What do you mean?" He went looking for her? When?

"When you were talking to Vero, she said all of a sudden a flip switched with you. You were pining about Sara, then you were running down the stairs looking for someone named Parker, and that when you got outside, you walked around the apartment complex looking for her, only giving up when the doorman told you she waited for a half an hour and then went to bed. You were on your way to her apartment until Vero talked you out of it. You don't remember any of that?"

Sidney gulped, wide eyed, completely surprised that he blacked out. Even though Vero stopped him once, did he do anything else?

"I need to apologize to her," Sidney said to himself, rubbing his face in frustration.

"Vero? She's fine," Marc waved it off.

"No. Parker. She waited for a half an hour for me?" he asked incredulously, hoping that Marc exaggerated the time.

"Vero had you on speaker phone. That's what the doorman said," Marc shrugged, rising from the couch to leave.

"Are you coming to practice? It would probably do you some good. We can keep a bucket close just incase," Marc suggested, knowing what excessive whiskey felt like the morning after. He waved for Sid to get up before he walked to the door, opening it, waiting for Sid to get up.

"I hate you right now," Sid huffed as he walked to the door. As the two entered the elevator, Sid thought about seeing if Parker was home later, if only to apologize to her for his ungentlemanly behavior.

"Good morning gentleman," Robert said as Marc and Sid exited the building.

"Oh. Mr. Crosby, I wanted to let you know that I gave Ms. Fisher your message this morning," Robert smiled pleasantly at Sidney. The doubly problem was that Sidney didn't know who Ms. Fisher was or that he left her a message, and his facial expression exuded that.

"Parker, sir. I told her per your instructions that you were terribly sorry for messing up, that you'd make it up to her with coffee this afternoon because she was your upside," Robert read off of a piece of paper he pulled out of his pocket, handing it to Sidney after.

"Thank you," Sidney said politely as he walked toward Marc's car, not reading he piece of paper until he was seated and strapped in.

"I'm sorry I fucked up. You're so nice and I'm a fucking asshole. When I said I found my upside, I meant it was you," Sidney read his sloppy handwritten note out loud as Marc drove toward South Pointe. Marc laughed hard, tears streaming down his face.

"What the fuck are you laughing at?" Sidney asked defensively.

"You _handwrote_ a note to a blind girl, practically flirting with her about being an upside? God damn man, how drunk were you last night?" Marc asked as he wiped the tears out of his eyes.

"Too drunk," Sidney laughed finding the irony sadly comical, enjoying the coolness of the window as he placed his forehead against it.

"Meara, this dress is too tight. What size did you get?" Parker was trying on a bridesmaids dress for her brother's wedding.

"I don't know. A size two? What size do you wear?" Meara tried to zip the dress from behind a little too forcefully.

"I wear a size four or six. Who wears a size two?" Parker questioned harshly to herself as she tried to shimmy out of the dress.

"Why are you so irritable today?" Meara asked, taking the dress from Parker to rehang it. She'd never seen Parker so moody in the eight years that she's dated Parker's brother.

"I'm sorry. I don't even understand why I'm so irritable," Parker put her head down, not sure if she wanted to admit the reason to anyone, let alone herself.

"I met this guy a couple of months ago. He was really kind and friendly. He walked Jersey and I out of the park at my request." Parker started, knowing Meara wouldn't judge her.

"That was the day that Jersey ran off, right?"

"Yeah. Anyway, I didn't think anything of it because he was just a Good Samaritan helping someone out. But I ran into him again last night. He helped me when some kids tripped me in the apartment lobby. We got stuck in the elevator, talked for a while," Parker said, starting to blush from embarrassment before she continued.

"He asked about my blindness, and when I told him it wasn't that bad, that there was an upside to everything, he asked about my 'date' that he thought I was on. He told me he just finalized his divorce, but that he was looking forward to finding the upside I talk to highly about. And when I told him he'd find it, he told me he thought he had. I guess I thought he was talking about me as the upside for some reason," Parker huffed, realizing in hindsight how ridiculous her reasoning sounded.

"He walked me to my door, and when he went to walked away, I asked if he wanted to walked with Jersey and I."

"Parker, this is like the beginning of a Nicholas Sparks romance novel. Why are you upset?," Meara asked, not realizing Parker wasn't done.

"He told me he'd like that, that he'd meet me in the lobby in five minutes, but never showed up. I waited in the lobby for a while before I went outside, telling the receptionist that if anyone asked for me, I'd be waiting outside. He never came," Parker sighed, feeling just as confused as she had the previous evening.

"Then he's an asshole and doesn't deserve your friendship," Meara said plainly as she ushered Parker to stand, helping her to step into another dress, zipping it so it fit perfectly. Parker felt around herself, examining the neckline.

"Meara, this neckline is too low. I feel like my boobs are going to fall out if I bend over," Parker said as she instinctively covered her chest with her arm.

"Its perfect. Any lower and we'd have a problem. But this isn't too revealing, trust me. You have great boobs" Meara pulled Parker's arm down. "And the black looks so good against your skin tone," Meara said as she took a picture to send to Parker's brother.

"Maybe if I send this to your asshole friend, he'd change his tune," Meara said in a cunning tone.

"He apparently looked for me after I left last night. He left a message with the doorman. He said he was sorry and that he wanted to take me out for coffee to make it up to me. He also said I was his upside…" Parker felt bashful all of a sudden, like it was a cruel joke to her.

"He better mean it, because if he fucks with you, he'll have to answer to your brother and I, and he doesn't want to fuck with Jeff," Meara warned as she unzipped the dress, handing Parker her jeans and shirt before walking out of the dressing room. Parker dressed quickly, wondering if she'd actually be getting coffee this afternoon with Sidney. The idea of being held up again was too much to think about.

When Meara dropped Parker off at her apartment, having to go back to work for a meeting, Parker made her way in, being extremely cautious of children this time around. Usually children would stay away when she had her walking stick.

"Good afternoon Ms. Fisher," Robert greeted her like always.

"Same to you Robert," she smiled at him.

She opened her door and walked into her bedroom, collapsing onto her bed as Jersey jumped up to greet her.

"We'll go out soon," she petted Jersey, kissing her somewhere on her body before getting up to find Jersey's harness. She knew she'd fall asleep in if she didn't get up.

"Ok, right leg," she kneeled down, putting her hand out for Jersey's right foot, slipping it into the harness before going to the other side.

She almost jumped out of her skin when there was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" she asked, putting her ear close to the door for the answer.

"It's Sidney."

She opened the door, but before she could get a word out, Jersey was barking and whining loudly at Sidney, presumably dancing around him like she did to all of her favorite strangers.

"You're like her favorite person. I think she likes you more than she likes me," Parker told him as she listened to the two interact, Sidney trying to calm her down while he loved on her.

"I doubt that," he said as he stepped into her house.

"We were just going for a walk…"

"May I come?" Sidney interrupted, wanting her to say yes. He felt like such an imbecile the way he handled himself the previous night. He prayed that Robert didn't give too much of his drunken behavior away. She made him feel good, more than any of his other friends or family. She was truly an outside looking in based on what he told her. Parker was the only one who could give him an unbiased opinion, which was exactly what he needed.

"That'd be lovely," Parker answered, surprised by his interruption.

"Are you going to stand us up again," she jabbed, hoping that he would find her funny, and when she could hear the smile in his voice as he answered, "No," she knew there wouldn't be any awkwardness between them.


	5. Chapter 5

"Are you always quiet?" Parker inquired as she, Jersey, and Sidney stopped on a grassy knoll for Jersey to do her business. During their thirty-minute loop around the park, Sidney hadn't said much of anything except the occasional yes, no, chuckle, or question. She thought for sure she must've been boring him, but every time one topic came to a conclusion, he asked another question to spark another discussion with Parker as the speaker. She usually didn't mind being the sole speaker; she taught high school English for a living. Parker wanted him to talk. She wanted to get to know him.

Sidney hadn't realized he wasn't contributing to the conversation. He was listening to her explain the hardships of trying to find a Shakespeare anthology in Braille, wondering how expensive it would be to have any type of historical literature converted. He found it rather enjoyable to hear Parker's stories about her students and teaching. He found it very commendable that she persevered through her illness and continued to do what she loved regardless of her limitations. He found her positive energy contagious, something he was striped of over the past couple of months. And truth be told, he found their conversations to be relaxing, something he didn't need to overthink or rehearse in his head.

"I actually talk a lot. I, umm... I answer questions on a daily basis, so simply listening to someone other than myself is a nice change of pace," he explained, trying not to give too much of himself away. With Parker, he wasn't a superstar hockey player. He was just an average guy, a concept that he never experienced growing up. He appreciated the normalcy that came with Parker's friendship. It was a clean slate from a world who knew everything about him, and he was sure his recent failure in the marital bed would eventually become public knowledge like everything else.

"Answer questions like getting interviewed?" Parker asked, instantly initiating the reversal in the conversation dynamic, trying to get to know her new friend better.

"Uh. More like answering questions about sales, budgeting, and design options for my product," he answered vaguely, hoping Parker wouldn't ask more questions.

"What do you make?" She asked eagerly.

"Ice skates," he blurted out in a moment of panic, saying the first thing that came to mind. He was in the process of trying a new blade rotation during his games. He'd tried a couple dozen types in his childhood and career, and knew more about skates than he should have. Plus, it wasn't exactly a lie. His line with Reebok made ice skates, and he had some persuasion in creation and marketing, even if it was just the occasional Sport Chek ad or commercial.

"That's fun! I ice skated a lot when I was a little girl," she said nostalgically, remembering her Christmas Eve skating ritual with her extended family.

"Can't do it anymore, unless, of course, your brand makes ice skates for dogs," she commented sarcastically.

"I'll look into it," he smiled, thinking about how entertaining and strange ice skating would be for a dog. Occasionally, when Sam was in Pittsburgh, she would find her way onto a patch of ice, and Sidney would always have to rescue her.

"Actually, we could always strap you to a mini Zamboni and dress it like a guide dog," he quipped.

"I like where your head is on this. You could create and market robotic ice skating guide dogs," Parker laughed through her suggestion, finding their topic of discussion very comical.

"I get half of the profit," she quickly added, turning to him.

"I'm sure we could negotiate that in somewhere."

"God, I miss ice skating now that you mention it. I'm bet you probably make a killing during hockey season. Do you sell to any professionals?"

"Demographically, I think my brand appeals more to kids and adolescents. Professionals usually find a favorite brand early on and stick to it. They're pretty superstitious and stick to what they know," he said, speaking mostly about himself.

"You seem pretty knowledgeable. Did you play?"

"I did when I was younger. I sustained a knee injury in juniors that was pretty devastating," he fabricated, trying to direct the conversation in a different direction.

"That's too bad. Still, you made a career out of a big part of your childhood, and you bring that fun and enjoyment to others. That's great," she smiled, making Sidney smile in return.

"And yes, I could see how answering those types of questions could be mind numbing," she nodded, silently commanding Jersey to stop so she could get a rock out of her shoe. It that very moment, Sidney saw a group of children biking toward them, racing as they looked at each other and not toward the path. Sidney quickly picked Parker up from her squatted position and moved her out of the way, surprising her in the process. While it wasn't his intention, he realized he was basically hugging her, her body flush against his. Both of his arms were wrapped around her midsection, hands snug against her back while her hands were gripping his upper arms for support, the two of them pressed against one another.

"I, uh, there were kids coming," he stuttered as he pulled away, unable to look away from her flushed face. He watched as she smoothed her hair, wondering if she let people touch her often, or if someone needed permission prior to touching her.

"Thank you for preventing another apartment lobby fiasco," she smiled at him earnestly, taking hold of Jersey before starting to walk again.

"So what about this coffee date I heard about earlier?" Parker smirked.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be up for it," he said honestly, thinking she'd be thoroughly disappointed with him. He was astonished she invited him on the second walk considering he held her up on the first.

"You must not know me well because I never turn down coffee," she said enthusiastically.

Sidney thought that Parker was the kind of person who could make anyone feel comfortable within moments of speaking to them, like she had been friends with them for years. She was incredibly easy to get along with, very amiable. Everything seemed to be positive and lighthearted and lighthearted with her. She was right that he didn't know her well, but the more time he spent with her, the more he wanted to.

"Well then let's go."

"I'll lead. I hope you don't mind an adventure," she walked in front of him, gesturing for him to follow her.

Within a short walking distance, they arrived at a little coffee shop. Parker had been going to that coffee shop for years, even before she went blind. She loved the place because it was cozy with real worn leather chairs and couches, or it did along time ago. It also didn't have an overwhelming bitter coffee aroma like some of the bigger named shops. Jersey lead Parker to the counter, and Sidney watched as Parker subtly and gracefully felt her way around, lightly dragging her fingers over surfaces like they were whiskers on a cat's face.

"What would you like?" He asked as he looked at the menu.

"Coffee," Parker said as she took out her wallet.

"I'm buying. Do you want cream or sugar?" He asked as he gently pushed her hand and money back in her direction, trying not to startle her.

"Why thank you. I'll just take it black."

"Like you like your men, right?" He joked, instantly realizing that was a joke he shared with Sara. Every morning, she ask him to bring her a "strong, black man," referring to her coffee before heading to the deck to drink their coffee together while discussing their day ahead. It was one of their idioms that he could ask in his sleep based on the daily repetition. He scratched his head, trying to figure out a way to take the comment back, hoping Parker wouldn't take it offensively. It wasn't until he looked at her that he saw amusement dance across her face.

"Actually, it's how I like my women," Parker tried to deadpan, biting back a smile that couldn't be tamed.

She was so good-humored that Sidney couldn't tell if she was being serious or not without asking outright.

"I'm joking," she laughed.

Sidney chuckled under his breath, shaking his head as he walked toward the register to place the orders. As he waited at the bar, he watched Parker and Jersey interact with one another. Jersey pulled Parker toward a table, helped her sit, and waited patiently for a command to please while Parker rested her chin on her hand, petting Jersey's head absentmindedly. For someone who didn't know her, it would look like she was daydreaming, staring longingly out into the distance. When she smiled subtly, he wondered what she was thinking about, and if she thought and dreamt with vision. He caught himself imagining how Parker "saw" him from their brief but friendly encounters and if in the present, she was thinking about him.

As the barista placed the two twenty ounce cups on the bar, Sidney noticed her nametag read, "Sara." He walked the short distance to the table, wondering how it was that he constantly thought about Sara and her well being except when Parker was around. As he pulled a chair out across from her, handing her a cup, he pulled out his wallet to stow away his change, seeing a yellow piece of paper that he didn't recognize. He pulled it out, unfolded it to read his own handwriting. It was his note to Parker. "I'm sorry I fucked up. You're so nice and I'm a fucking asshole. When I said I found my upside, I meant it was you." It reminded him why he was evening having coffee with her.

"Parker, I wanted to apologize for my absence last night. I had a lot on my mind," he started with a sigh, not wanted to divulge too much, but enough to explain himself to her.

"I know, and it's fine," Parker interjected softly. "Please, don't apologize," she shook her head, smiling sympathetically. "Its actually why I invited you on our walk," she explained.

"Was it that obvious?" He couldn't remember much of the previous night, and it was probably because he chose to block the entire day. He wanted to forget the incredible sex with Sara, waking up alone with nothing but a note, the dinner with his lawyer, the walk home, the missed call from Sara, the unanswered calls to Sara, the excessive amounts of whiskey. The only thing he didn't want to compartmentalize was Phoebe or the elevator ride.

"Well… I figured that with your admission about your very recent divorce and the clinking of the bottles, you needed some time alone, which is completely understandable," she guessed aloud, having been in similar situations in the past.

"I'm sure you have plenty of people in your life that have said this, but if you ever need a third party to talk to, I'm a really good listener," Parker offered herself to him, fully prepared that he wouldn't ever seek her advice after their coffee date was over. She told herself that he was just a nice guy that she ran into a couple of times, and that their friendship, like most acquaintanceships, would probably expire, although she hoped it wouldn't.

"I was actually changing out of my suit to meet you in the lobby," he started, unable to stop the flow of words from falling out of his mouth, "but she called," he exhaled, feeling relieved, like he dismantled a bomb that was seconds away from exploding.

"She, as in your ex-wife?" Parker asked hesitantly as she took a sip of coffee, happy that he was opening up, but worried that if she pushed too hard, he'd shut down again.

"Sara. Her name is Sara. She called as I was changing, and when I went to call her back, she ignored every single call," he remembered, rubbing his face as all of the feelings resurfaces. At the same time, however, Sidney had a glimmer of hope that Parker would pull out some sort of perspective that he hadn't considered like she did in the elevator.

"Part of me was hoping that she was calling to tell me she made a mistake, that she was having the divorce papers destroyed, that we could try again." He took a large gulp of coffee, feeling it sear down his throat, but he was so emotionally numb that it didn't hurt.

"Perhaps the two of you are just on a hiatus," Parker offered. It was obvious by the tone of his voice that Sidney was very much still in love with Sara, and for his sake, she hoped Sidney and Sara could work out their problems, whatever they may be.

"No. Its over," he rested his chin in his palm, staring at the different grains in the wood table. "Its hard to admit it, but its over," he said in almost a whisper, not wanting the passerby's that recognized him to hear the topic of their conversation.

"Well then it wasn't meant to be," Parker said matter-of-factly, taking Sidney by surprise. He wasn't expecting her to say something so blunt and straightforward. He could see the wheels spinning in her eyes, that she was going to say something, but wasn't sure how to say it.

"I'm sorry. That was rude of me. Let me explain," Parker prepared as she put her disposable coffee cup on the table.

"I met Kevin in high school. He was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything. We went to college together, started grad school together, rented a place together, and started to talk about planning our future family. When I got sick, the doctors didn't think I was going to survive because the bacteria that ate my optic nerves were originally colonizing on my brain. When I pulled through without my sight, everything was ok. But the longer he had to take care of me, helping me patch up knees and elbows when I fell, guiding me through the house, streets, stores, the more he realized that he didn't want to care for a disabled girlfriend any longer, despite our seven years together," she told him.

"I was devastated. Heart broken, even, but when I let the feelings subside, I realized it was a blessing in disguise. I wouldn't want someone to stay with me if they weren't happy. And I understand the feeling of rejection, but imagine if your peculiar situation with Sara was reversed. Whatever she felt went wrong in your relationship, imagine if it was you that felt that way. Honestly, would you proceed?" Parker asked sincerely.

"Adoption or surrogacy," Sidney responded quickly, having offered those solutions to Sara on many occasions, but she wouldn't budge.

Parker paused, digesting exactly what he'd just told her without telling her. If he was offering adoption or surrogacy if their problem was reversed, then he must've been the one with the fertility issues.

"She didn't want to adopt or use a surrogate?" Parker asked supportively.

"Fertility issues run in her family so it was a big deal for her. She had a cousin who was adopted and the kid was screwed up. The surrogacy wasn't appealing to her because she wanted to experience the pregnancy herself. She read horror stories about surrogate babies never connecting to the parents. I don't know," he huffed, feeling like he was discussing his shortcoming with Sara all over again.

"Its not got everyone, I guess," Parker thought without judgment.

"You're right," Sidney blurted after a few moments of silence. "I wouldn't want her begrudgingly stay with me if I couldn't give her what she wanted, if I couldn't make her happy."

"Who knows? Maybe in time she'll see the error of her way with or without a baby," she offered with a hopeful smile. He appreciated her optimism in regard to his failed relationship. Most girls would've tried to swoop in where Sara left off, but Parker seemed to want to help to help him, never once giving him the impression that she had any ulterior motives.

"I'm a firm believer in love. I know this sounds terribly cliché, but sometimes distance does the heart a world of good. Maybe a couple of months from now, she'd realize she threw away something amazing," Parker mused. "Either way, in time, you'll both find what you're looking for, and if you're lucky, you'll find something even better, something unexpected, something wonderful."

"You're a hopeless romantic, aren't you?" Sidney asked as he finished his coffee.

"Guilty as charged," Parker laughed, holding her hands up.

"Are we ready to go home, Jersey?" Parker said, commanding Jersey as she stood and pushed her chair in.

"Thanks for bringing me here. The coffee was great," Sidney followed suit, opening the door for Parker and Jersey as they started their walk home.

"Its not bad. I make better coffee," she pulled her scarf tighter around her neck as a gush of wind blew by.

"You should come by and try it one morning," she turned to him, expecting some sort of response.

"I'm going to hold you to it," he told her. "Maybe we can discuss your mini Zamboni guide dog idea some more," he chuckled, wanting to bring the jovial air back to their conversation.

"Oh, absolutely," she beamed with excitement.

Sidney walked Parker and Jersey back to her apartment, standing in the doorway as she disrobed and helped Jersey out of her harness.

"Thank you for the coffee. It was a pleasant surprise," she smiled, holding the door as she started her goodbye.

"You're very welcome," Sidney said as he petted Jersey was collapsed on her back, exposing her belly for a rub.

"Thank you for listening," he said softly, standing face to face with Parker. "I didn't expect some of the things you said.."

"Of God, I'm sorry.. I didn't mean them to come off.." Parker slapped her forehead, worried that she made a mistake.

"No. I'm glad you said what you did. Don't apologize. Just like I wont apologize when I say this."

With every second of pause that followed his words, Parker got nauseously nervous, not knowing what to expect.

"Blind or not, you can see things better than most people I know, and Kevin was an absolute fucking moron for letting you go."

Parker couldn't hear anything because her blood was rushing quickly through her veins, heading for her face. She vaguely heard him say goodbye and shuffle down the carpeted hallway. She couldn't stop the stupid smile from forming on her face as she slowly shut her front door.


	6. Chapter 6

It was almost two in the morning. The rain was pouring buckets onto her car and her windshield wipers were hardly keeping up. The rain was so deafening that she could hardly heard the music on the radio. She wasn't listening anyway. All she wanted to do was get to her sister's house in one piece, both physically and mentally. Letting out a long sigh of relief, she crept into the driveway, thankful to see the front door open. It was all too much, the infertility, failed marriage, seeing his face all over Pittsburgh. She willed herself not to cry, placing her head against the cold window as she closed her eyes. She wouldn't let herself cry because she was the one who ended it, and she knew deep down that her reasoning was awfully selfish. She quickly batted a rouge tear that streamed down her cheek, berating her body for betraying her.

"Stop crying," she demanded to herself in her visor mirror.

Out of her peripheral vision, she saw her sister stand on the other side of the storm door, holding her hands up in question. She put on her rain hat and exited the car, carrying her weekend bag as she ran toward the door, straight inside the house as Maggie held the door open. The sisters didn't exchange words as Maggie peeled Sara's coat off, hanging it up on the coat stand before moving into the living room.

"You didn't need to get the tequila out," Sara snorted as she stretched her sore neck and back from the seven hour road trip. As she moved to sit on the couch, she saw Phoebe sleeping peacefully in the loveseat adjacent to the couch.

"I told her you were coming. She thought she could stay up until you arrived." Maggie poured them both a shot, handing one to Sara before she slammed hers back.

"What can we say? She loves her aunty Sara," Sara said before taking her shot, carefully setting the glass on the coffee table.

"Actually, she was more excited to see Sid. She didn't believe me when I told her he wasn't coming," Maggie told Sara honestly, pouring them both another shot, knowing the sting of the truth would need soothing.

Sara took her shot without hesitation, hoping it would help somehow shrink the tennis ball of a lump in her throat. How would she explain to Phoebe that uncle Sidney wasn't going to be around anymore? She wouldn't possibly understand what had happened.

"You know, he calls to talk to her almost everyday," Maggie motioned toward Phoebe who was unconsciously rubbing her eyes.

"Please stop talking about him!" Sara snapped, looking to Phoebe to make sure she didn't wake her. She wanted sympathy, a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, but instead she walked into Maggie, the logical, rational, tough-love sister who was giving her none of it. She knew deep down that she made a mistake, not giving Sidney a chance and shooting down every alternative he'd suggested. She didn't need to hear it from her sister.

"He's why you're here, isn't he?" Maggie questioned curtly, lifting her body up to sit cross-legged, facing Sara.

"I need someone to talk to, and I thought you'd be a little more inviting than this," Sara started. "I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm doing. I come home everyday to an empty house, and I feel like he's still there, moments away from turning the corner with my morning cup of coffee or blueberry muffins that he's worked so hard to perfect. His closet still smells like him, and I find myself sitting in it from time to time, just breathing in the remnants of him." She dropped her head in her hands. "I go to work and see students wearing his number, his face on magazine covers, his face on billboards, and worst of all, I find myself driving past Consol regularly just to feel closer to him." She leaned back onto the couch, letting her head fall back onto the cushion.

"Sister to sister, right here, right now, I want to know something. What's the real reason you divorced him. It can't just be about infertility, because any girl who talks about their ex like that wouldn't leave him because of infertility."

The question caught Sara off guard. She shifted uncomfortably in her spot, trying to get out of the inquisitive gaze of her sister.

"Were you screwing someone else?"

"Maggie, seriously? Why would I cheat on him? He's perfect in every other way," Sara told her as if it was obvious. Sara knew that any girl with knowledge of Sidney Crosby wanted him, and she was lucky to have taken up a large residency in his heart and life, until now, and the thought made her sick. Was he moving on already? Was he sleeping around like a heartbroken teenager?

"If that's really the case, then why didn't you adopt or use a surrogate? It's not like money is an issue."

"Because I didn't want that!" Sara agitatedly raised her voice again, trying to drill into Maggie's mind that it wasn't an option for her. "Our family doesn't have the best odds in the fertility field, and knowing that its not me with the problem made it seem like Sidney and I weren't right for each other," Sara tried to explain, knowing it probably sounded like ludicrous. "Maybe I married the wrong person. Maybe the right guy is right around the corner, the guy who can give me a family," she said softly, more so to convince herself than Maggie. Maybe she had the right guy all along. Maybe she made a major error in judgment.

"That's the thing, Sar. Sidney could've given you a family."

"Where Sinny?"

The small groggy voice startled both of them, looking over to find Phoebe searching around the room, eager to find Sid. Maggie looked to Sara expectantly, visually telling her to explain to Phoebe why Sidney wasn't there with her. When Sara couldn't immediately find words, Maggie spoke up in her place.

"Honey, I told you uncle Sid couldn't make it this time," Maggie reminded Phoebe, brushing her hair against her head as Phoebe leaned into her mom, clearly upset as her chin quivered. It made Sara feel even worse.

"What did he tell us?" Maggie pulled Phoebe onto the couch, sitting in her lap as she kissed her cheek. "He told us he'd see us when we visit aunty Sara in a couple of weeks, remember?"

Sara looked on, eyes wide and desperate, begging for an explanation. She knew Maggie, Ryan, and Phoebe were going to visit, but she had no idea Sidney would make it into the equation. Would he be coming to their house to see them? She had too many questions and knew Maggie wouldn't give her the answers.

"Lets put you to bed. You can sleep with your new stuffed penguin that he sent you." Maggie collected Phoebe into her arms and walked her down the hall toward her room. Sara followed, leaning against the doorframe as Maggie sat on her bed with the new toy penguin tucked in next to Phoebe as they read a bedtime story.

Sara pushed herself off the doorframe, walking slowly back into the living room. She took another shot, telling herself that a good buzz may slow her mind down enough to sleep. She questioned every decision she'd made that past year, wondering how things became so warped in her own mind. Of course Maggie was right; Sidney could've given her a large family that he'd be ecstatic to be a part of, but the children couldn't be theirs by blood, and that seemed foreign to her. How could she let her idea of a perfect family cloud her judgment? She swallowed hard, knowing that it wasn't exactly the idea that clouded her thoughts, but something else, and she would never mention it to anyone, ever.

Sidney pushed his pasta around, not having an appetite to eat it after the team's seventh consecutive loss. He vaguely listened to Marc and Vero talk about their problems with potty training Estelle. At least they had a toddler to potty train. He had a ten percent chance of ever impregnating a woman, a statistic that his urologist told him months ago, the statistic that ruined everything.

He looked around the restaurant, dodging the eyes of flirtatious girls who he knew wanted nothing more than sex with him. Before Sara, he spent every sexual encounter with a nagging voice telling him to pull out even though he was wearing a condom. He didn't want to have children until he found the right girl. He rolled his eyes at the thought.

"What ever happened with Parker?" Marc asked almost incoherently with a mouth full of food.

"I took her out for coffee," he shrugged nonchalantly, taking a sip of his strong drink.

"And?" Vero pushed for Sidney to continue, smiling eagerly in anticipation. Sidney rolled his eyes at her enthusiasm for him to get back out there. She was like the big cheerleader sister he never had.

"And nothing," Sidney finished as he took a bite of pasta. He didn't forget her morning coffee invitation, but every time he walked to her door, he stopped himself for reasons he didn't know or understand at that point. It almost felt taboo to see her because he wanted to patch things up with Sara, but at the same time, he couldn't ignore the pilot light of interest he had for Parker. The last time he saw her, he told her that he ex boyfriend was a chum for leaving her, because if Parker was his, which he insinuated, he'd never call it off over something as small and insignificant as sight. She was like a ray of sunshine that always seemed to break through the black cloud that took up residence over his head. He felt numb, but she always gave him some sort of vibrancy without effort.

"She invited me to her place for coffee, but I can't bring myself to go." He pushed his food away, placing his chin on his intertwined hands.

"Why not? Let me guess. She's not pretty enough for you?" Vero took a sip of her martini, raising an eyebrow at him.

"That's not the case at all." He rubbed his face before admitting the truth. "I'm still hung up on Sara. I'd be doing Parker a disservice by getting involved with her. I'd probably hurt her somehow," he sighed, acknowledging that he still wasn't forthcoming with any real information about himself other than his divorce and fertility issues.

"Sid, you're a good guy and I doubt you'd hurt anyone intentionally. Just take it slow, get to know her, and work up to a goodnight kiss if you fancy her," Vero reasoned.

"Would you have to ask permission first? It would probably scare her," Marc said unexpectedly, meeting eyes with Sid who was giving him a stupid look.

"Ask permission for what?" Vero looked between the two of them, confused and feeling left out. "Am I missing something?"

"Parker's blind," Marc told Vero, who looked at Sidney with a gaze of maternal disappointment.

"So that's why you wont date her." She shook her head.

"I never said that." Sid threw his hands up defensively. "Her blindness doesn't bother me. I've just never really considered it as an option" he said truthfully.

"Then what was the look for?"

"Because she wouldn't see it coming and those lips would probably smother her," Marc joked, earning an eye roll from Sidney.

"You guys are hopeless." Vero put down her drink, demanding attention in the process. "She doesn't have to see it coming, so to speak, but she can feel it coming. Intimacy has a lot of physical, sensual cues, not just visual. He just needs to set the mood. I'm sure she'll know it's coming if he sets it up properly."

"Thank you for the sexual education, Mrs. Fleury," Marc joked, shielding himself from her playful slap on the arm.

"I'm sure I won't be kissing anyone anytime soon." Sidney sat back against the booth, uncomfortably scratching his face at the topic of conversation. He never thought about physically kissing Parker. She was just a friend. All he knew and understood is that he liked the way he felt when he spent time with her.

"Nobody said you had to make out with her or anyone right away. Just, don't cut yourself off. You deserve to be happy. Have another coffee with her," Vero said with a sympathetic smile.

He sat in the parking lot for what seemed like hours, thinking about what Vero said. It wasn't something that would happen right away, but dating in the hopes of finding happiness wouldn't hurt anything. He was nauseated by the thought, but he knew Sara was probably already well on her way to finding someone new, someone better, someone with an adequate sperm count. He had to move on eventually, but he knew his self-wallowing attitude and uncared for appearance wasn't very becoming on him. He fished his phone out of his coat pocket to call the one person he knew could brighten his spirits. As he scrolled through the P's, he realized he never saved her number when he found Jersey in the park. He scanned through his recent calls, even though the first call was a little over two months before, and to his disappointment, he couldn't remember which number belonged to her. He put the key into the ignition and headed for the apartment, deciding he'd visit her at her place.

"Fuck," Parker hissed as she grabbed her foot, slowly lowering herself to the floor. The shard of glass was stuck in the ball of her foot, and judging from the amount of blood she felt on her fingers as she examined it, she wasn't sure if she would need stitches or not. She was used to bumping into everything. Her knees, shins, and toes had been bruised or broken at least once from running into things, but the puncture was her worst fear, and not knowing where all the glass shattered was even more frightening. She was crawling to the bathroom to get to her first aid kit when she heard a knock at the door followed by Jersey running past her.

"Coming," she shouted as she pulled herself up with the help of the wall, gimping toward the door as she walked with all the weight on her heel. She could hear Jersey whimpering and scratching at the door, notifying Parker that she knew who it was.

"Who is it?" Parker asked as she commanded Jersey to move away from the door.

"It's Sidney."

She opened the door, smiling through the pain as she greeted him.

"What happened?" Sidney asked with concern as he saw the blood on her hands and bloody fingerprints on her cheek. She must've touched her face without realizing.

"I broke a wine glass," she sighed as she closed the door behind him.

He ushered her into the bathroom, sitting her on the toilet as he looked in her medicine cabinet for tweezers and bandage material.

"Where do you keep your first aid stuff?"

"It's below the sink in a purple container."

He sat on the edge of the tub, covered his knee with a hand towel to rest her foot on. He turned her body toward his as he placed on foot on his thigh, maneuvering carefully because she was in a dress. When he took ahold of the arch of her foot, she flinched back. He thought he hurt her, but when he looked up to find her covering her mouth, giggling quietly into her hand, he realized it tickled.

"I'm sorry. My feet are horrendously ticklish. I'll try not to pull back," she stifled laughter as he tried again, only to feign a look of seriousness, making Sidney laugh quietly.

"Ok. Don't move. I'm gonna pull the glass out," he warned her. When he looked up, he saw that she was clenching her entire body, hands covering her face in her own preparation for the pain. He pulled the shard out quickly, throwing it in the trash as he covered the wound with a gauze pad, vaguely hearing her smack her hand on the vanity to brace herself.

"It's out," he told her as he cleaned the area with peroxide, careful not to wipe the cut.

"Thank God," she exhaled, trying not to flinch as he wiped her foot.

"Where did the glass break?"

"In the kitchen. I thought I replaced all my glass wear with plastic wear. I'm a classy one," Parker rambled aloud as he bandaged her foot. Without warning, she felt him take a dampened washcloth to her face, gently stroking her cheek.

"You had smeared blood on your face," he told her noticing her surprised expression.

"It's my war paint," she said lamely, trying to distract herself from how delicate he was being and how intimate the situation probably looked. She could feel her face flush from the thoughts that flashed through her mind.

"So," she cleared her throat, "to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Well you bragged shamelessly about your coffee, so I thought I'd give it a go," he teased her. As he cleaned the bathroom, he realized that his reasoning was two fold; he wanted to give the coffee a go and deep down, he figured he'd see what would happen with Parker.

"Stay here. I'm going to clean the broken glass."

After he walked away, Parker limped into her bedroom to find some flip-flops. She felt her way into the closet, found the shoe organizer, and turned it while feeling for the plastic thong.

"Parker?"

"In here," she shouted as she found them, holding onto the door at she slipped them on one at a time.

"It's getting late. Are you sure you want coffee?" Parker asked as she walked into the kitchen. Sidney looked at his watch. It was going on ten o'clock.

"I didn't even realize how late it was. Do you want to do a rain check?"

"No. I'll drink coffee. I just didn't know if you needed to be up early tomorrow. If you want, we can have a glass of wine instead?"

"Sure." He followed as she walked to her cabinets, counting them as she went. He wondered what kind of system she had to know where everything was. If he didn't know any better, he wouldn't know she was blind the way she walked around her apartment.

"Do you like red or white?" She asked as she reached for the plastic glasses.

"Red sounds good," he told her as he pulled the glasses down for her.

"You look nice." He noticed immediately as she opened the door, but forewent telling her because of the broken glass. She was wearing a short-sleeved red sheath dress with geometric flowers. He pondered how she did her make up or if she has someone do it for her.

"Thank you. I was on a date." She poured the wine and handed him a glass, needing to busy her mouth so she would stop smiling from the compliment. At the same time, Sidney felt a tinge of jealousy.

"How'd it go?"

"It was good until he became predictable," she said dryly.

"Predictable how so?"

"Predictable in that he was preoccupied the entire time. He also flirted with the waitress. I think people forget that just because I can't see doesn't mean I can't pick up on things."

She walked toward the couch and sat down, patting the seat next to her.

"So I'm curious," she started with a smile as he sat down, "have you come up with any plans to make my guide dog Zamboni?"

Her excitement was contagious, and he found himself beaming like her. He made a decision as she talked about ice skating to take her soon, only he'd be her eyes on the ice.


	7. Chapter 7

He tapped his foot anxiously on the ground, checking his watch every couple of minutes, unsure of how the next couple of hours were going to unfold as he sat on his bench. He told Maggie to meet him at the park so he could see Phoebe without the threat of seeing Sara. Every time he heard feet approaching, he looked in that direction, hopeful that he'd see the beautiful little girl he'd imagined was his and Sara's for so long.

"Go get him."

At first he thought he imagined Maggie's voice, having looked in the direction he thought they'd come from, but when he heard little feet running toward him with labored breath, he looked in the other direction, feeling choked up when he saw how happy Phoebe was as she ran toward him, arm stretched wide to hug him.

"Phoebs!" he caught her, pulling her into the air, spinning in circles as he clutched her little body. She giggled gleefully as he pulled her onto his shoulders, walking backward toward Maggie who was watching from afar.

"Look mommy!" Phoebe called out, reaching her arm up toward the sky.

"Look at how tall you are," Maggie said cheerfully to Phoebe as she hugged Sidney, giving him a sympathetic smile, rubbing his back as she pulled away.

"Should I ask how you've been doing?" Maggie asked as she pulled her scarf tighter around her neck to hide her skin from the cold.

"I'm doing ok," Sidney told her unconvincingly, avoiding eye contact. He and Maggie had developed a special relationship when he started dating Sara as Maggie considered him the brother she never had. They had become so close throughout the years that Maggie could read him like a book, noticing subtle changes in him when he and Sara first started struggling to have children. She was the one who approached him to see if everything was all right before they announced their problems to anyone. He kept his focus on Phoebe, holding her tiny frame as she did air summersaults off of his shoulders like they always did, chuckling quietly as she tried desperately to climb up his body to do more.

"Phoebe, what did we say about climbing on people?" Maggie corrected her daughter, taking the focus off of Sidney for a couple of moments.

"Sowwy," she looked at her uncle, fear in her eyes as she thought she may get in trouble.

"Why don't we play on the jungle gym?" Sidney suggested, taking her small hand in his as the three walked to the vacant playground.

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to call recently. The team just got back from a long road trip. How are things with you guys?" Sidney asked, watching Phoebe as she climbed onto the jungle gym castle, going straight for the slide.

"We're good. Phoebs started going to daycare. She's pretty popular and she has a little boyfriend," Maggie rolled her eyes at the thought of her three-year-old daughter with a real boyfriend one day.

"Boyfriend, huh? You better get used to it. She's going to be a beautiful girl," he waved at Phoebe as she called him to play with her on the jungle gym.

"I don't think I'll fit," he looked to Maggie, who was covering her mouth, laughing as she shrugged, imagining his stocky frame trying to maneuver on the children's playground. He climbed onto the platform, barely fitting through the opening. He stood up cautiously, making sure that the infrastructure didn't collapse under his weight.

"I wanna swide," Pheobe told him eagerly as she walked him to the slide, pulling him to sit down at the top.

"Phoebs, I'm a bit big for this slide," he told her as he tried to fit his butt and legs into the edges as she climbed onto his lap. He decided to put his legs over the edges, holding her between his legs and he pushed them down.

"Again!" Phoebe laughed at the bottom, running back around the structure to repeat.

"Just let me know when you need a break," Maggie pulled him aside, not wanting him to feel like he had to continue to play with her.

"Never," he smiled at Maggie, jogging back around to climb onto the jungle gym again.

Maggie watched in awe, pulling out her phone to take pictures. She wanted to have one of Sidney and Phoebe framed for Phoebe's bedroom. Her little girl loved Sid, and Maggie felt horrible that she didn't have any pictures of the two of them together. As she flipped through the pictures, there was one in particular that stood out. Sidney and Phoebe were at the top of the slide, and the two of them were looking off into the distance. Sidney was leaning into her ear, telling her to look at where his finger was pointing, and Phoebe was smiling as she pointed as well. It was adorable. He was adorable with children. She put the picture into a text message that read, "You're an idiot," and addressed it to Sara.

Thirty minutes later, the three had moved from the jungle gym to the swings. Sidney was pushing Phoebe in the toddler swing as she yelled for him to push higher, making him laugh at how much of a daredevil she was at three.

"Phoebe, tell Sidney what you're going to start doing when you're older," Maggie said as she watched the two of them interact together. When Phoebe stayed quiet, Maggie realized she was being bashful all of a sudden.

"She wants to play hockey like her uncle," Maggie told Sidney, proud that her daughter had aspirations to do something other than dancing at such a young age. She remembered the first game Phoebe went to, having to put her to bed three separate times that evening as she talked about Sidney's goal that he scored for her. She still talked about it, and when Maggie asked if she wanted to play, she lit up with excitement and talked about it endlessly.

"She said that uncle Sinny could be her teacher," Maggie mimicked her.

"Absolutely," Sidney smiled as he pushed higher, earning an excited squeal out of the little girl.

"Sawa!" Phoebe shouted as she pointed toward an approaching woman.

"No," Maggie said in disbelief, admonishing herself for sending the text while they were still at the park. She didn't even consider that Sara would be familiar with the park they were visiting based solely on the text.

"Did you tell her where we were?" Sidney asked, panic dripping from his voice.

"No. I mean, not directly. I sent her a picture of you and Phoebe on the slide to show her that she was a fool. I didn't think she'd recognize the park based on the picture. I'm really sorry, Sidney," Maggie begged for forgiveness. "I'll go tell her to leave," Maggie said as she stood from the swing.

"Its ok," Sidney sighed, putting his hands in his pockets like he always did in uncomfortable situations. The last time he and Sara were together, they were having goodbye sex in their old home. He could do this. He could talk to her. He just needed to breathe.

"Sinny, out," Phoebe demanded as she lifted her hands for him to lift her out of the swing. She took Sidney's hand and dragged him to Sara. As much as he subtly resisted her pulling, Phoebe pulled harder, giving him adorably puzzled looks, confused as to why he was so reluctant to walk toward Sara.

"How's my big girl?" Sara cooed as she knelt down to hug Phoebe.

"Sawa! Sinny here!" she said excitedly, pointing toward him to make sure Sara saw.

"Yes. I can see that," Sara patted Phoebe's head as she finally acknowledged Sidney. Sara looked at him, the way he was standing like he did with his fans, friendly while being shut off, and it broke her heart. She missed the days when he looked at her with love and admiration, the way he would kiss her cold, red cheeks after he kissed her lips as a greeting during the winter, the way they couldn't go without touching one another every second they were together. It was all gone.

"How are you?" Sidney asked after he cleared his throat.

"Good, good. And you?" Sara asked with a shaky, nervous voice.

"Hanging in there," he said honestly, looking away from Sara to Phoebe, who was in the process of digging his hand out of his pocket, pulling him closer to Sara.

"Kiss," she insisted, being used to their public display of affection whenever Sidney and Sara were around. Sidney and Sara looked at each other, unsure of what to do or say. Sidney looked away, wanting nothing more than to kiss her, be with her, have a family with her, but knew his wanting was futile. If he kissed her for Phoebe's sake, all of the emotional damage control he's done would be for nothing.

"Phoebe, I'm not feeling well. I'll get Sidney sick if I give him a kiss, and then he wont be able to play hockey for you," Sara reasoned as she knelt down again to reason with her.

"I kiss Sinny for you," Phoebe whispered loudly, smiling at Sara as she picked Phoebe up.

"That's very nice of you," Sara looked at Sidney, wanting to kiss him as she passed Phoebe to him.

"Sinny, I kiss you for Sawa," she told him as she puckered her lips. He presented his cheek to her, but she put her little hands on his cheeks, pulling his face to hers, kissing him square on the lips. Maggie laughed while Sara covered her mouth in surprise, stifling the humorous gasp as he let Phoebe kiss him.

"Thank you, Phoebs." He walked her back to the jungle gym in his arms, lifting her onto the platform, following behind her. He needed to get away from Sara, the way she looked with her new haircut, the smell of her perfume, and the way she looked and smiled at him like she was still in love with him. It took his breath away, and he prayed distancing himself would give him some perspective.

"Phoebe, we need to get going. We need to take a nap," Maggie called, interrupting the playtime. When she walked over to the jungle gym to get her daughter, Phoebe instantly burst into tears.

"I no weave Sinny," she cried, arms wrapped around his neck as she cried into his shoulder.

"Phoebe," he gently pulled her back, wiping the tears off of her cheeks, "I'll see you tomorrow. Mommy is going to drop you off at my apartment and we're going to spend the entire day together," he told her enthusiastically.

"I miss you, Sinny," Phoebe told him as she rubbed her eyes, fighting the fatigue that came with playing too long.

"I miss you, too," he told her with another hug and kiss before walking her to Maggie. The four walked back toward the parking lot, listening to Phoebe talk about all the fun she had. Maggie hugged Sidney goodbye, asking him a final time for the specifics about the following day. He looked on as Phoebe twisted her little body in her car seat, desperate to wave at Sidney as Maggie pulled off, and as he turned to walk toward the apartment complex, he ran into Sara who was standing behind him.

"Shit. I'm sorry," he grabbed her, steadying her before he backed away.

"Its ok," she shifted anxiously. "Its great to see you."

"You, too," Sidney nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets again.

"Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee or something?" Sara suggested with a shrug.

"Sara, I'm not sure…"

"I just want to talk like we used to," Sara interrupted.

He looked at her, eyes glistening, and he wasn't sure if it was the stinging wind that was causing it, or something else.

"Please?" Sara asked, biting her lip to keep herself from crying in front of him.

Sidney instinctively reached out for her as he saw the tear peak over her eyelid, but stopped himself, zipping his coat up to his chin. He couldn't wrap his mind around why she was practically begging to spend time with him when she was the one who ended it. He wouldn't let himself get overthink it. Coffee didn't necessarily mean a rekindling of their relationship. Nothing had changed; he was still unable to have children naturally. If nothing else, maybe their coffee date would give him some closure.

"I can't stay out for long. I have a game tonight."

"I know," Sara smiled as they started walking toward the coffee shop.

Sidney's door wasn't even closed before he and Sara started grabbing at one another's clothes. He knew it was a horrendous idea to invite her up to his place, but the hour at the coffee shop was like a walk down memory lane. The conversation flowed naturally, they laughed about happy memories. Their misfortune never came up. He missed her, and if there time together was only for a couple of moments, he'd take what he could get, making sure she knew she was the one who decided to end them.

He quickly unzipped her jacket, eagerly pushing it over her shoulders as he walked her backward into his living area, getting harder and harder as she moaned into his mouth. He ripped her tee shirt and sports bra over her head, not giving her a chance to start to undress him. Pulling her hair to expose her neck, he aggressively kissed and bit his way down her chest, taking one of her nipples in between his teeth, pulling gently. Sara gasped at the pleasure, finding it hard to stand as all of the blood quickly rushed to her erogenous zones.

"You miss that, don't you?" Sidney growled at her as he unbuttoned her jeans, shoving his hand into her underwear, slowly circling her clit with his pointer and middle finger.

"God yes," her voice broke as she gripped his broad shoulders for support.

"What else do you miss?" he asked, maneuvering his other hand in her pants, squeezing her ass as he continued his stimulation. He knew exactly what she wanted and liked, how rough or gentle she liked it, and he intended to make her come multiple times as a reminder of what she gave up.

"What about this?" he whispered into her ear as he slowly pushed his fingers into her, dragging them against her g-spot. He didn't need to feel for it; he knew exactly where it was from years of experiences.

"And this?" he pushed her pants down around her knees before he jiggled his fingers inside of her, making her moan loudly.

"More?" he pushed her onto the arm of the couch, pulling her pants off the rest of the way as he continued fingering her.

"Yessss," she cried, clenching the cushions, coming harder than she had in a long time. Sidney watched triumphantly as she bucked her hips in the air, riding out the wave as he held his fingers inside of her without movement, pushing her lower half onto the armrest.

He flipped her over, unbuttoning and pushing his jeans simultaneously. He pushed himself all the way in without a problem, holding himself as far in as he could get. It made him dizzy, having only masturbated for the past couple of months, but he would push himself to the limit like he pushed himself in games. He pulled out antagonizingly slow, slamming back into her, smacking her ass as he pulled her hair.

"Fuck me harder," she demanded through heavy breaths, pushing her hand between her body and armrest to stimulate herself.

"I'll give you harder," he grumbled, pounding into her harder than he ever had, moving the couch little by little with every thrust.

"Is that hard enough for you?" he grunted between thrusts, roughly caressing her breasts as she slowly and involuntarily got into position to come, leaning into it, putting her head down, curling her ankles and toes.

"I'm clo…," she moaned, digging her nails into the leather cushions as she urged him to continue, not anticipating that he would seal the deal by smacking her ass hard again, pushing her over the edge. She was mid-orgasm when he came, emptying months of frustration and desolation into her, not anticipating the vacant, numb feeling he'd get afterward. He pulled out, finding himself at a loss for words as she crawled all the way onto the couch, looking expectantly at him to join her.

"I'll be right back," he muttered, scooping his pants up in passing as he walking into his bathroom, locking the door behind him. He leaned against the door, exhaling as he let his head fall back against it. After he found the strength to move, he cleaned himself up, throwing his boxers back on before he reentered the living room. He knew the idea of a pregame nap wasn't a possibility, but he'd relax on his couch just the same.

It was déjà vu**. **Sara was gone, but this time, it didn't surprise him.

"I need to buy a new couch," he said to himself as he collapsed onto it, taking a large swig of water as he turned on ESPN.

"Dude, where the fuck were you tonight?" Marc hissed at Sidney after the post game interviews. They had lost 5-0 to the Panthers, and the entire team noticed their captain's head wasn't in the game.

"I really fucked up," Sidney admitted quietly, aware that he wasn't reading plays, connecting, shooting. He missed so many scoring opportunities, and he knew he'd hear about it from the coaching staff the next day. But his mistakes weren't exclusive to the game. The more he thought about what happened with Sara, the more he realized he felt guilty about it, but he couldn't place where the guilt was coming from.

"What's going on with you?"

"I didn't nap this afternoon. I saw Maggie, Phoebe, and Sara at the park," he started to explain to Marc, wiping his face with his towel as he continued. "Sara wanted to grab a coffee, so we did, and the next thing I knew, I had her bent over my couch, railing her out from behind. I felt nothing by it. But something is bothering me, obviously," Sidney finished dryly.

"I feel guilty," Sidney told him, hoping his friend had some words of wisdom.

"Well figure it out, man. We need you," Marc slapped Sid on the back, standing up to shower. Before he was out of sight, he turned around. "Oh, and Sid, Vero wants you to come over for dinner tomorrow."

Sidney showered, dressed, and drove home, ignoring everyone who tried to call him after his miserable attempt at playing hockey. He knew his dad was going to rip into him, and Sidney decided to cross the bridge the following morning when he usually called his parents. His mind was so fogged that he didn't pay attention to anyone on his way out of Consol or into his apartment building. Taking the stairs, he wracked his brain to figure out why he felt guilty, as if his afternoon with Sara was going to cause someone pain. As he opened the stairwell door, he noticed a small package outside of his door. It was a box wrapped in a plumb purple foil paper with a gold envelope on top. Picking up the box, he opened his door and walked into the kitchen. He opened the box first, finding a dozen frumpy, misshapen chocolate chip cookies inside. Confused, he opened the envelope that was labeled "S" to reveal a handwritten note.

_Sidney,_

_I haven't heard from you in a while. I hope all is well. Enjoy the cookies. They're homemade _

_-Parker_

Without slipping a beat, he picked up the box and carried it to the door, taking the couple flights down to Parker's floor. He took a deep breath as he knocked on the door. For all he knew, she could've been sleeping. He heard Jersey's collar jingling on the other side of the door, indicating she was home.

"Who is it?"

"Its Sid," he responded, noticing he was wearing a small smile on his face for the first time since that morning with Phoebe.

"Sidney, hi," Parker answered the door, flushing crimson as she closed the door behind her. "This is a surprise," she scratched her forehead anxiously.

"I figured we could share the cookies you made together." He thought his idea was great until he saw how uncomfortable she got, stuttering as she looked at the ground. It hit him all at once. She had company and she was too nice to come out and tell him, and by the color of her face, it was a man.


	8. Chapter 8

"I.. I'm sorry. I should've called first," Sidney stuttered, stunned and a little jealous of whomever she was dedicating her time to.

"It's ok," Parker closed the door behind her, joining Sidney in the hallway. "It's just an old friend. Would you like to join us?"

A big part of him wanted to join in if it meant that he could spend time with her, but an even bigger part of him was afraid her friend would recognize him, ruining the anonymity that he'd grown to appreciate and enjoy, not to mention the fact that he didn't want to share her attention with anyone else, especially another guy.

"I don't want to intrude on your evening," he reluctantly declined, gripping the box of cookies because he didn't know what else to do as he stood in front of her, berating himself for not calling first.

"You wouldn't be intruding," she responded, smiling as she tried to get him to change his mind. She was surprised to find him at her door, suggesting sharing her cookies together. The thought that he wanted to spend time with her gave her a tiny hint of butterflies, and she knew she probably blushed beyond control when she heard him ask to share the cookies with her.

"We'll share them another time," he told her, jiggling the box for her to hear what he referring to.

"That'd be great," she nodded again, trying to bite back the giant smile that was started to form on her face. "Are you sure you don't want to join us?" She asked one last time, optimistic that her hopeful facial expression would tell him that she wanted him to join.

"Not tonight. Have a good evening."

"Goodnight," she waved as she heard him walked away. She opened her door and closed it behind her, placing her forehead against the door as she sighed. She hadn't heard from Sidney for quite a while and never expected him to show up at her door when she accepted Kevin's proposal to come to her place. As she replayed their conversation over in her head, she couldn't deny that she was almost willing to tell her company to leave to spend time with Sidney.

"Is everything ok?"

The question jolted her back to reality, reminding her that she couldn't want for one man while another, one with a lot more history, was sitting in her living room.

"Yes." She pushed herself off of the door and walked back into the living room, sitting on the couch next to Kevin. "I baked cookies for one of my neighbors. He stopped by to thank me," she lied, plastering a fake smile on her face.

"You were always such a thoughtful and considerate person," Kevin complimented her. Listen," he cleared his throat, taking a hold of her hand into his, "I'm back in the area and I was wondering if you would have dinner with me sometime next week?"

Parker couldn't think or speak, only opening and closing her mouth, looking for words as her mind juggled its options and tried to digest all that had happened in the last five minutes. Her first and only love had come back into her life, asking her to dinner. She didn't want to overthink the invitation, and she wouldn't let herself assume that they'd get back together. Hundreds of memories flooded her mind of their years together, and while they were mostly good, their break up had her reluctant to get overly excited. She was still blind and that was the reason he broke it off.

Her mind drifted to Sidney and their growing friendship. She couldn't ignore how excited she felt when he came around, and she couldn't ignore the hint of disappointment in his voice when she told him she had company. But she couldn't put all of her eggs in a basket for a man who was recently divorced, carrying the equivalent of three times her body weight in emotional baggage.

"Sure," she said finding her voice. "Dinner would be lovely."

"Great. I'll call you later," Kevin said as he kissed her cheek, an intimate gesture that had become accustomed to doing and that she used to cherish. He stood to leave, Parker following behind him before they said their goodbyes.

Parker closed the door in a daze. Lying face down on her bed, she weighed her options. On the one hand, she could potentially rekindle her relationship with Kevin and pick up where they left off. He was theoretically all she'd ever known in terms of love and they were inseparable when they were together. But, she liked Sidney in a different, indescribable way. Maybe it was his overwhelming kindness he showed her, maybe it was a sense of his integrity and wholesome character that made a mark on her, but the one thing she knew for sure was the way she never felt like her blindness defined her when he was around. While she didn't allow the lack of sight to drag her down, Sidney made her feel normal, and she never wanted that feeling to cease.

She flipped onto her back, covering her face with her arm, deciding she'd give more thought to her predicament another time. She heard Jersey enter her bedroom, giving Parker her paw after she jumped on the bed.

"What do you think, Jersey?" She sat up to face her dog, holding up both palms. "Sidney?" She wiggled her right hand, "or Kevin?" She repeated the action with her left. Without hesitation, Jersey smacked her right hand.

"Sidney, huh?" Parker shook Jersey's paw when she slapped Parker's hand again. She didn't think too much of the fun gesture; it was the same one Jersey used if she needed to go outside. Standing from the bed, the two exited the bedroom and headed for the door.

"Maybe if you're lucky, you'll see him on the way outside," she told Jersey as she put the harness on. "Or maybe I'll get lucky," she said under her breath to herself as she put on her winter apparel.

* * *

><p>"Hustle!"<p>

Sidney sat on the bench observing as some of his teammates were punished with speed drills after coming to practice with the lingering effects of their celebration from the previous night.

"Hey man. Vero and I wanted to invite you to dinner tonight if you're available," Marc slapped him on his padded back.

"Sounds good," Sidney replied as he focused on the drills.

"I'll call you later," Marc waved as he headed back to the locker room.

Sidney got lost replaying practices, line combinations, and plays in his head as he listened to the sound of skates on ice. While they won their last game, they were going through a nasty slump that the team hadn't experienced in a long time. He went back to the locker room to watch tape, thinking he knew what was going wrong in their game. He was so engrossed in his task that by the time he decided to finish up, it was already close to two in the afternoon. He showered, slathering his shoulder with topical pain medication from a big hit a couple nights back, and dressed, only noticing he had a missed call when he pulled his phone out if his gear bag. It was from Maggie's phone, presumably from Phoebe calling to talk, a daily tradition they started. He listened to the voicemail when he got to his car, which was a lot of muffled sounds and voices until he heard Maggie telling Phoebe to talk.

"Sinny? Can I come pway wif you and Awiel? But mommy, I wanna tawk to Sinny. Ok, bye Sinny!"

He chuckled to himself as he heard Maggie directing the message in the background, telling Phoebe that Sidney and Ariel would talk to her later and to say bye. He smiled as he pulled out of Consol's garage toward the apartment.

A week earlier, Maggie had dropped Phoebe off at Sidney's place to spend the day with him before they drove back to Long Island. He figured they'd spend the day at the park or watching a couple of Disney movies. He also picked up some coloring books, crayons, glitter, paint, and heavy-duty construction paper for her to use if the park and Disney movies didn't suffice. He and Phoebe had just put The Little Mermaid DVD in when he heard a knock at his door. He opened it, surprised to see Parker on the other side, holding a thermos.

"Hi," he greeted her, knowing she could hear the gladness in his voice.

"I brought coffee," she said holding the thermos up. "I thought we could drink this while sharing the cookies," she suggested.

"Cookies? Sinny?" Phoebe ran to the door.

Sidney caught Phoebe in his arms, flipping her over and onto his shoulders before he looked back at Parker, who looked bewildered and embarrassed, probably similar to Sidney the previous evening.

"Parker, this is my niece, Phoebe," he told her, watching as Parker's face relaxed as she registered the situation.

"Phoebs, this is my friend, Parker," he tickled her, making her giggle loudly on his shoulders.

"Should I come back another time?" Parker asked, not wanting to ruin his time with his niece.

"Absolutely not." He gently grasped Parker's wrist, pulling her into his apartment.

"You didn't bring Jersey?" He asked as he pulled Phoebe off of his shoulders to direct Parker over to the couch.

"I have my collapsible stick in my back pocket" she showed him. "I wasn't sure if you'd be ok with Jersey in your home."

"She's welcome anytime." In a way, he hoped Parker would understand that the open invitation was also aimed at her. "I hope you like The Little Mermaid," he chuckled, taking the thermos out of her hands and into the kitchen.

"One of my favorites," she smiled, listening to Phoebe hum to the tune of the opening credits. She peeled her stick out, placing it on her lap as she sat back against the cushions.

She was slightly startled when she felt the couch dipped heavily beside her, and all at once she was hit with the most delicious fragrance she'd ever smelt. It was crisp and fresh mixed with musk and a hint of something earthy; the combination was intoxicating.

"Coffee and cookies," Sidney handed her a mug and a cookie.

"Can I have a cookie?" Phoebe asked, climbing on the couch on the other side of Parker. Taking a bite, she waited for Sidney to respond to the little girl. What she heard of their interaction was precious, and while she only knew his side of the story concerning the reason for his divorce, she thought his ex-wife was mental.

"She's asking you, Parker," Sidney whispered in her ear. His breath on her ear and neck gave her goose bumps, and she subtly rubbed her arms to hide them, hoping they went unnoticed.

"Oh.. Did you ask uncle Sidney if it was ok?"

"She can have one or two," he said, handing a couple to Parker to give to Phoebe. "Phoebs, do you want some chocolate milk?"

"Yeah!" She shouted, running to sit closer to the TV.

The three of them watched the cartoon in silence, Sidney and Parker snickering at Phoebe when she would sing off tune, making the lyrics up as she went. It brought back childhood memories for Parker, singing Disney songs for talent shows in pre-k and kindergarten. She didn't even realize that she was humming the music with Phoebe, occasionally singing out loud, forgetting that she wasn't alone.

"Awe you Awiel?" Phoebe sat next to Parker, looking up in wonder.

"I think she is," Sidney answered, surprised at how well Parker sang the songs. He laughed hard at Phoebe's expression, mouth ajar, eyes big and wide.

"She's looking at you completely star struck," he described to Parker, who turned multiple flushes of pink and red, smiling with embarrassment.

"Well, go on Ariel. Keep singing," he nudged her with his shoulder.

"That's ok," she laughed nervously.

"Awiel! Sing!" Phoebe demanded excitedly.

"Ok," she surrendered, taking in a deep breath before joining Phoebe in the sing along.

Once the movie was finished, Phoebe wanted to paint a picture of the three of them. Parker helped Sidney cover his coffee table in newspaper, knowing paint would be everywhere.

"Awiel, sit wight hew," Phoebe asked, pointing to the space next to her.

Knowing how independent Parker tried to be, Sidney wait to see if he needed to intervene at all as he sat down next to Parker on the floor.

"Why don't you come sit next to me?" Parker suggested to Phoebe, figuring it would be easier and safer than Parker trying to figure out where Phoebe was. She patted where she thought a space was available next to her until she patted Sidney's thigh.

"Sorry," Parker whispered as she pulled her hand back.

"It's fine," he grunted loudly as phoebe flopped onto his lap, laughing as he tickled her.

"She's such a big fan of yours that she forgot about her uncle Sid," he squirted paint out for them, pinching Phoebe playfully with his other hand.

"I wuv uncle Sinny!" She shouted before giving him a kiss on the cheek.

The three were quiet for a moment, concentrating on their paintings. Sidney looked up to check on Phoebe, who was staring at Parker.

"What are you looking at?" Sidney whispered to Phoebe while he painting plays he'd been thinking about in his head.

"Sinny, Awiel is pwetty," she whispered loudly, looking at him for confirmation.

"Yes she is," he agreed as he looked at Parker. She was painting something he couldn't decipher yet, but he could see that she was blushing as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Phoebs, paint Ariel a picture that she can keep."

Phoebe instantly started painting, yawning intermittently as her naptime approached. She finished the painting shortly before falling asleep on Sidney, who was busy with his playmaking and defensive plays.

"I'm going to go lay her on my bed. Be right back," he told Parker as he carried Phoebe away.

After using one too many wet ones to clean phoebes hands, he tucked her into his bed, praying that she didn't wet herself. It wouldn't have been the first time if it happened, and he didn't have a protective mattress cover on this bed. Returning to the colorful coffee table, he picked up the painting that Phoebe did for Parker. It was a painting if three stick figure mermaids under water.

"What did she paint?" Parker asked, rolling the newspaper to clean up the work zone.

"Uhh. I think it's the three of us as mer-people. Although, she painted you to look like Medusa," he laughed lightly.

"I've never had so many identities in one day."

"I'm think she was trying to replicate your wavy hair. She thinks you're pretty, so I doubt she purposely drew you as a monster," he explained, hanging the painting on his refrigerator.

"I'd like to have the painting if that's ok?" She asked as she wiped her hands down with a damp washcloth he handed her.

"I know I can't see it, but the painting means something to me. It represents the fun I had today. I've never been a Disney princess and a mythological monster at the same time before," she joked when he didn't answer her right away. "I'm glad you invited me in," she smiled.

"I'm glad you showed up at my door," he returned, wishing she could see how content he was around her.

"The paint takes forever to dry. I'll bring it over when it's ready." He knew the paint would dry quickly, but keeping it temporarily would be a great excuse to get into her apartment.

"Sounds good," she nodded, handing him the wad of newspaper.

"I should get going."

He wracked his brain to find a way to stall her, wanting to spend some time alone since Phoebe was sleeping.

"Will you walk me to the door?"

"Of course," he answered, handing her the thermos and walking stick.

"Do you want me to walk you to your apartment?"

"I'm ok," she gestured to the walking stick, extending it after she waved to him.

"Wait," she said aloud, turning around to walk back to his door.

"Did you forget something?" Sidney asked, confused by the sudden change. She had her walking stick and thermos. He didn't see her bring anything else.

"No, but I wanted to tell you something." She wanted to get something off of her chest, something that she thought the entire time spent with Sidney and Phoebe. "Forgive me for this, because I know it's none of my business, but I think your ex-wife is an absolute fucking moron," she told him, using his eloquent vernacular. She turned quickly to walk away, never the type of girl to make any sort of verbal or physical move, blind or not.

He watched her from his door until she walked out of sight, smiling brightly like a fool. Heading back inside, he went to finish cleaning up after checking on Phoebe, who was sprawled out sucking her thumb. Before he threw the wad of newspaper in his trash, he remembered Parker painting something abstract. He unrolled the paper, finding what looked like a mixture between a paisley pattern and a biomechanical tattoo design. Fixing a couple of wrinkles, he hung it up on his refrigerator next to Phoebe's, fully intending on leaving it there.

* * *

><p>Parker held her phone out, listening to Siri ask repeatedly if she could help her. She wanted to tell Siri to call Sidney. She had started making pizza crust from scratch, and contemplated calling him to join her for an early dinner and maybe a movie.<p>

"Call Sidney." She held her breath as the call connected, ringing a couple of times before getting his voicemail.

"Hi, it's Parker. I was just calling to ask if you wanted to stop by, maybe bring me my painting? Talk to you soon." She hung up, rolling her eyes at how awkward and eager the message sounded. She felt for her dough roller, taking her uncertainties out of the dough. Sprinkling flour over the dough, she continued flattening it until she head a knock at her door. She had to remind herself not to run, not even sure it was Sidney knocking, but she'd been kidding herself to say she wasn't hopeful. Opening the door, she waited for him, or whoever was knocking to speak.

"Is that flour?"

She exhaled when she recognized his voice, but didn't anticipate that she'd be covered in various pizza ingredients.

"It is," she wiped her face to dust off any flour, only making it worse without realizing it. "I'm making pizza," she started, only to be cut off when Sidney closed the door behind her, walking her into her own kitchen.

"Good, because I'm starving," he told her, wiping the flour off of her forehead.

"And, I brought Phoebe's painting for you. I had it framed," he set the painting on her counter away from the pizza mess.

"You didn't have to," Parker smiled.

"No, but I wanted to. I'll hang it for you later."

They worked around each other, making the pizza together, listening to the quiet music Parker played from her iPod dock. It was something Sidney hadn't heard before, and definitely not the type of music he enjoyed listening to. It wasn't quite house music, but it definitely had flavors of electronica with keyboards and synthesizers.

"What band is this?"

"M83. They're my favorite," she told him as she smoothed the sauce over the dough crust. "They're coming here to do a show in a couple of weeks, but when I went to buy tickets, they were sold out."

"What a shame," he muttered, masking the idea that presented itself in his mind. "Maybe you could win tickets" he suggested. Using his name, he'd get her tickets, because the truth was that nothing is ever sold out if you were the right person or had connections to the right person.


	9. Chapter 9

"Phoebe, what's wrong?" Sara asked concernedly, listening to Phoebe hiccup and hyperventilate as she tried with no avail to stop crying. For the past week, Phoebe would sob relentlessly every time Sara and Maggie would talk. She'd never witnessed her niece so distressed before.

"I miss Sinny," Phoebe spoke through hiccups and a quivering chin, rubbing her eyes to alleviate the stinging of tears.

"I'm sure he misses you, too," Sara smiled, trying to cheer Phoebe up. "He scored two goals for you last night." Phoebe began to smile through her hiccups. "Tell me about your visit with him," she tried to coax Phoebe out of her sorrow.

Sara's heart clenched as she witnessed Phoebe's face light up as memories of that day flitted through her little mind, gasping before she started talking.

"Sinny and Awiel and me ate cookies and chocwat miwk. We watched Wittle Mermaid and painted..."

Phoebe's happiness was so contagious and palpable that Sara giggled with her niece, remembering the very fun adventures and play dates she, Phoebe, and Sidney shared in the past.

Abruptly, Phoebe ran out of the sight of the viewfinder, being replaced with Maggie.

"She's going to get a picture she painted at his apartment. She looks at it and talks to it every day. I think she had a great time with him."

"Wow. Did he take her on a toy shopping spree or something?"

"No. They watched little mermaid, painted, napped, and then went to the park," Maggie listed as Phoebe ran back into view. "He let her open Christmas presents early, but she doesn't seem interested. She loves her picture."

"Oh, Phoebe! That's really beautiful," Sara gushed at her little niece, who sported a proud smile as she shoved the picture into the view finder for Sara to see. The painting was somewhat indistinguishable, but Sara could make out that there were three human-like figures.

"Dis is me, dis is Sinny, dis is Awiel," Phoebe pointed respectively. "Awiel sang and painted wif us, Sawa! She so nice and pwetty!" Phoebe exclaimed excitedly, speaking about the Disney character like she was an actual person.

"Phoebe, why don't you go put your picture away so it doesn't get destroyed," Maggie instructed. "It's almost bath time," Maggie shouted at her daughter as she moved back into the viewfinder.

"She seems happier now," Sara offered with a shrug.

"Yeah. Every time you've called, she thinks Sidney is calling. She talks about their day together like it's the only memory her mind possesses."

"You know they've always had a special bond, Mag," Sara swallowed her gulp of wine, tucking her feet under herself as she rotated on her new couch. For a small moment, She allowed herself to imagine a life with Sidney as a father. She'd always found him to be extraordinarily excellent with infants and small children. The thought caused an unwelcomed watermelon-sized lump to form in her throat.

"New couch?" Maggie squinted as she recognized the new furniture.

"Yeah," Sara coughed, finding her voice catching in her constricted throat. "I figured I would make small changes to move forward," she nodded in her explanation, knowing her empathic expression was more to convince herself than to convince her sister. She bought the new couch because she felt a knot in her stomach every time she looked at it as unsolicited memories flooded her mind.

"That's good," Maggie smiled over-enthusiastically, trying desperately to hide her newfound knowledge. Sara read right through Maggie's concealment, knowing full well that Maggie was hiding something.

"That's it?" Sara questioned Maggie quizzically. "That's all you have to say, Ms-you've-made-a-huge-mistake-I-think-you're-an-idiot?"

"What? I think it's good to move on," Maggie explained defensively. "You can't live the rest of you're life with regret. If you want him back, then go after him before it's too late."

"I know Sid pretty well, Maggie. He's not one to get over someone by getting under someone else," Sara reasoned, voice laced with annoyance. Her face fell when she saw the look of apprehension and sympathy in Maggie's face.

"Sara, Ariel is an actual person."

"Don't be ridiculous, Maggie," Sara laughed. "He probably played King Triton and Phoebe was Ariel," Sara waved Maggie off.

"Listen to me. When I was prying Phoebe off if him, she kept crying about staying with Sid and Ariel. At first I though she was referring to the movie, but later on in the conversation, he admitted that Ariel was actually his friend who stopped by. I can't imagine it was a guy."

Sara couldn't think or speak, just replaying Maggie's words over and over, trying to digest what she said with immense difficulty. It had to have been Veronique and Estelle who stopped by. Then it hit her like a ton of bricks, making her seethe with anger. He had some vapid, immoral, filthy slut at his apartment with her niece, and the thought made her wrought with rage.

"And you were comfortable with some whore there with Phoebe?" Sara asked alarmed.

"He said it was a friend and I believe him. He's never given me a reason not to. Besides, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy screws around with anything."

Ending the call a couple of moments later, Sara sat in utter silence for what seemed like ages, letting her thoughts run rampant in her mind. Who was the elusive Ariel? She knew all of Sidney's female friends because she kept jealous tabs on them throughout her relationship with him. How long had he known her and what were his intentions, and more importantly, what were hers? Downing her glass, Sara considered if he was really moving on that quickly, replacing her in every sense, and if it was to get back at her for the divorce? Knowing he'd answer if she called, she quickly dialed his number and waited, breath baiting more and more with every unanswered ring.

* * *

><p>"I hope you like feta cheese on your pizza," Parker said loudly, turning toward the hallway where Sidney had vacated to go use the bathroom.<p>

"I love feta cheese," he answered immediately, standing right next to her the entire time, trying to hide the laughter in his voice. When he noticed her physically jump out of her skin, he couldn't help the sob of laughter that escaped his mouth, covering it up in an attempt to stifle it.

"Sorry, I didn't realize you were standing right next to me," she said in total embarrassment, laughing quietly at herself. Opening the refrigerator, she pulled out the feta cheese and moved back in front of the pizza pan, humming and subtly dancing to the quiet music as she went.

"How do you know that's the feta?" Sidney asked in awe, wondering how she seemed so at ease in her apartment, as if she didn't have any problem with vision.

"Close your eyes and turn around," she told him, going back to the refrigerator with a playful smile on her face. He watched her as she pulled out another container of cheese, and by the quick look he had, it looked like shredded parmesan, romano, or asiago cheese. She opened both containers, setting them on the island in front of them before she reached up, taking him fully by surprise as she lightly felt her way from his upper back, up over his shoulders and neck, finally arriving at his face, covering his eyes with her hand. It was the first time she actually touched him, and the way her fingers dragged delicately on his skin was strangely good, something he wasn't expecting, giving him goose bumps.

"Close them," she insisted in almost a whisper, feeling his eyelashes flutter under her hand and his cheekbones rise as he smiled at the game. With her opposite hand, she grabbed the first container and held it in front of him where she thought his face was. "Smell this and tell me what kind of cheese this is."

He tried to look through her small hands, but her hand covered his eyes very well to the point where he saw nothing but darkness. He reached for her opposite arm, finding it easily, and brought it to his nose, taking a small whiff. Years of eating spaghetti told him the cheese was parmesan as he remembered the smell of cheese and red sauce mixed together in a delicious blend.

"Parmesan," he said out loud as he lowered her arm.

"And this?"

Repeating the same action, he brought her hand and container to his nose and took another smell, knowing the second container would be feta by default, but understood her point in the difference of smell.

"Feta." The olfactory exercise was making his stomach growl loudly, and he couldn't wait for the pizza to be finished baking.

Parker took her arm away, grinning as she put the parmesan cheese back into the refrigerator.

"I didn't see you do a smell test," he said in a question as he took a large chug of water.

"That's because I know the feta container is square while the parmesan container is round," she explained, sprinkling feta crumbled in and around the crust. Sidney watched as Parker finished preparing the pizza, noticing how she could feel her around and inside the crust as she worked, amazed at how adept she was at cooking without sight. Popping the pizza into the oven, she set the timer and leaned against the counter.

"Make yourself at home. I'm going to go grab my school bag," she called out as she walked down the hallway.

Taking a seat on her familiar couch, he sipped on his water as he surveyed the room as usual, taking notice of the large boxes in the corner. He had to turn his head sideways to read the writing. "Christmas" was sloppily written in permanent marker on each box. Before he got a chance to further explore the content of the boxes, thinking he could help her decorate her Christmas tree, Parker walked into the living room, looking puzzled as she slowed down before sitting on the couch.

"I thought you'd be watching TV or something," she expressed as she pulled a stack of papers out of her large shoulder bag. She put the remote in his lap haphazardly, not realizing where it landed as she turned back to her task. After turning on the television, flipping aimlessly through the channels, he found Parker's task more interesting than the TV. He watched as she read braille, lightly flitting her fingers over the bumps, stopping to make corrections. He was mesmerized, and he wondered how sensitive her fingertips were, or if they were destroyed from multiple cuts or burns.

"Do your student's type their papers in braille?" he asked, genuinely curious. Were their braille typewriters? Printers? How did she get the papers to print that way?

"They submit their papers onto a program in the classroom and it converts to braille for me. The school also has a very expensive braille printer. My teachers aid will transcribe my corrections to the original typed papers for the students," she explained.

"Was it difficult to learn?" he asked, scooting closer as if he could see the dotted patterns and distinguish their Latin letter counterpart.

"Not really," she shook her head. He could see the idea brewing in her head as she smiled brightly before she walked quickly back toward her bedroom. Just as quickly as she disappeared, she returned with a flash card sized plastic rectangle that was covered in braille and its corresponding letter or number.

"May I?" she sat down, holding a hand out for him to take.

"This is the alphabet," she explained as she slowly dragged his pointer finger over the letters. "And these are numbers," she continued the task, navigating his finger over the dots. She repeated the rows several times, and he tried to differentiate between the different letters, but he couldn't.

"Should I be taking notes?" he asked jokingly, finding it amusing that she was eager to teach him braille.

"Only if you want to pass the test later," she returned with equal fun in her voice. Sidney couldn't be sure, but he could've sworn she was flirting with him. Her sentence seemed like it potentially had more than one meaning. "I used this to learn and memorize braille when I first lost my sight. I hoped that I'd regain it, that the bacterial infection was just temporary. I kept this with me everywhere I went. I'll never get rid of it," she mused aloud as she set it aside and went back to correcting and grading.

"What are the essays about?"

"How the structural composition of _Beowulf_ contributes to the theme and story as a whole."

"I never read _Beowulf_ in school."

"Well, its not everyone's cup of tea," she chuckled, "I'd offer you my copy, but its in braille, and since you didn't bother to take notes, I guess you can't borrow it," she smiled as she looked in his direction.

Suddenly, Sidney's phone started ringing. When he looked at the ID, his stomach lurched into his throat. Why was Sara calling? What did she want? Was his emotional state stable enough to talk to her? The last time he saw Sara, he was making her shout his name on his couch before she up and left abruptly. Sidney looked at Parker, who was looking expectantly. He was happy she couldn't see the combination of flush and panic on his face.

"You can take the call," Parker told him as she attended the kitchen to retrieve the pizza.

"Its not important," he sighed as he pressed ignore, switching his phone to silent as he followed to help her with the pizza. He wasn't going to overanalyze the reason for the call, telling himself he'd deal with it later if he dealt with it at all.

"So how was the visit with your friend?" Sidney asked, taking a slice of pizza onto his plate. He's been thinking about it since the night he interrupted her with an unnamed guest.

"Oh, Kevin is fine," she said nonchalantly, pouring herself a glass of lemon water.

"Kevin? As in ex-boyfriend, Kevin?" He felt ridiculous the way his voice sounded so taken aback. She nodded as she chewed a bite.

"Are you..?" He couldn't finish he question, not sure if he wanted to know about her relationship with Kevin, or if it was appropriate to pry into her personal life. They were friends, and she'd tell him if she wanted him to know. Deep down, he hoped Parker didn't want him back.

"He asked me to dinner. We're going tomorrow night," she explained, and Sidney noticed that she didn't seem at all enthused. He could always read Parker based on her facial expressions. When she was elated or enthusiastic about something, the excitement always reached the corner of her eyes, and they seemed to light up as if nothing was wrong with them.

"I wonder what changed his mind?" She told him that he broke up with her when she went blind, and nothing had changed. Maybe he finally regained his wits and realized how moronic he was in dumping her. Parker shrugged in response.

"To be fair, the dinner may be nothing. We were friends before we dated. And besides, Kevin has always been a guy who didn't go back on his decisions. Once they were made, he stuck to them."

"I'm sure he has ulterior motives," he scoffed with a laugh.

"How can you be so sure?" Parker asked as she put her pizza down, giving Sidney her full attention. When he looked at Parker, she didn't looked pleased.

"I'm not," he hesitated, "but typically, a guy doesn't ask a girl to dinner unless he's interested regardless of history."

"And that would be bad, how?" Parker responded in seriousness. She wanted to tell him that it had been five years since someone has kissed her or touched her romantically aside from the awful chin kiss by her colleague. If Kevin wanted to start over, then she would consider it. Besides, there relationship wasn't bad until she got sick. Parker told herself repeatedly that she couldn't put all of her eggs into his basket.

Before Sidney got a chance to explain his interest in Parker and Kevin, afraid that he offended her, Parker interrupted him.

"Maybe he made a mistake? Maybe he realized he was wrong? It doesn't matter because I'm one who believes in giving people second chances. And if he is trying to rekindle our relationship, then I'll consider it if it comes to that." In reality, she wanted to scream at Sidney for being obtuse, for seeming interest but never actually doing anything about it. He asked her to have coffee with him, concluding the night by calling Kevin a moron for dumping her. He rescued her with glass in her foot, gently wiping blood off of her face. He practically told her she was attractive through the guise of his niece and framed Phoebe's picture of them for her. He wanted to share her homemade cookies together. What always seemed to shine through, however, was their moment in the elevator, when he told her she was his upside. She tried flirting verbally and physically, but nothing ever came of it. She didn't want to go on a date with Kevin, but she couldn't wait forever.

He could hear the hint of bitterness in her voice, obvious that his inquiry upset her. She looked irritated, flustered, and what he couldn't understand was the look of confusion and fear in her face. Maybe she was battling the same questions internally. What if she was afraid that his intentions weren't honest, that she knew she'd get hurt in some way by going to dinner with Kevin. But when she closed her eyes, her face looked as if she was yearning for something. Maybe it was something else that he hadn't thought of.

"I can't wait forever," she said softly, an octave above a whisper, echoing her thoughts as she looked toward the floor.

"Can't wait forever for Kevin?" Sidney asked, trying to gauge what she was trying to say. The idea that she'd wait for the asshole that broke her heart stung him deeply. If he could, he'd make her forget Kevin existed.

"No," she snorted and laughed out of frustration. She couldn't believe Sidney was really that oblivious. She resigned herself, shaking her head to clear it, knowing he was a lost cause. Maybe he wasn't interested in her as anything more than a friend, and maybe it was just as well. Sidney probably wasn't emotionally available.

"Then what are you waiting for?" Sidney asked again, wanting to know the answer. She was waiting for someone, and he had a good idea who it was, but he wanted to hear her say it. Say his name. He watched as she contemplated the answer in her mind, biting her lip nervously as she blushed. Without immediately noticing, he felt himself step closer to her.

"Parker?"

"I think I should take Jersey outside," she stepped in his direction, walking into him, not knowing he was standing so close. Sidney grabbed her as she bounced off of him, assuring she didn't fall into something in her kitchen, keeping hold of her as she found her balance again. They both stood in her kitchen, longer than they should have, waiting for the other to make a move.

"Sorry," she muttered as she walked by him, as red as a tomato as she walked down her hall.

"Can I join you," he asked as he walked behind her.

"I'd like that," she smiled, and if that wasn't a nonverbal response to his questions, he didn't know what was.

"Give me a couple minutes. I need to grab my coat. I'll meet you here in five?"

"We'll be waiting," Parker said as she put on her scarf.

Taking out his phone, he called Vero as he ran up the stairwell to his apartment, knowing she would give him sound advice on the last couple of minutes in Parker's apartment. He left a message, begging her to call as soon as possible before he opened the door to his floor. As he turned the corner, he stopped dead in his track, only to find Sara waiting for him at his door.


	10. Chapter 10

"What are you doing here?" Sidney asked skeptically as he slowly approached Sara.

"Well.. I.. um.. called and you didn't answer.." she stuttered, finding his unwelcomed gaze hard to digest. It was the first time he'd ever given her a frosty greeting, and it was a blow that she wasn't expecting. "I just wanted to see how you were doing," she smiled, persevering through the sting.

"I'm fine." His response was hesitant, not knowing what Sara's motive was to show up unannounced at his apartment, although he had a good idea what she wanted. Looking at her, she was wearing heels and black pantyhose, a knee-length cream colored pea coat, and her make up looked perfectly done, the dark eye shadow contrasting brightly and beautifully against her green eyes and blonde hair. She looked like she'd been on a date, and the idea that another man had taken her out made him pregnant with jealousy.

"Can I come in?" Sara asked meekly after waited what seemed like ages for him to politely invite her into his apartment.

"Why do you want to come in?" he questioned, stepping between Sara and the door.

"Because it would be more appropriate than standing in the hallway, Sid."

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head disdainfully at the prospect that she wants to do what's appropriate. The appropriate thing to do would've been to see a reproductive therapist. The appropriate thing to do would be to look into alternative means for having a baby. The appropriate thing to do would've been to stay married and work through it as a couple.

"I have a Christmas gift for you," Sara said softly as she held up a wrapped gift that Sidney hadn't noticed in her hands. "I promise to I'll be quick," she finished with a hopeful smile.

He didn't want to let her in regardless of the memories blossoming in his head about the great years of their relationship and marriage. The truth was that he had a gift for her as well, something he bought before their separation and divorce, a little something he'd decided on while he was away on a road trip to the west coast even though they agreed they wouldn't exchange gifts. Everything in his body was telling him to send Sara away, that her being in his apartment would end badly, that Parker was waiting for him in more ways than one. But against his better judgment, he opened his door, gesturing her to come in.

"I'm supposed to meet someone in a couple of minutes," he explained as he shut and locked his door, trying not to stare at Sara's snug coat, which happened to show off all of her features as she subtly sashayed further into his apartment.

"I'll be right back," he called out as he went into his bedroom to grab his coat and gift from his nightstand. Shrugging his coat on, he hurriedly returned to the living area where he left Sara, knowing he couldn't leave Parker waiting for too long. He almost tripped over himself when he looked at Sara. Her coat was opened to reveal a red, lacy, barely-there piece of lingerie; something he specifically told her was his favorite. It left nothing to the imagination and he could see everything, nipples, recently shaped and waxed landing strip of pubic hair, everything. The black pantyhose were held up by a garter belt that must've been a recent purchase of hers considering he ripped the original off of her months before after a fight about their fertility issues.

He walked toward her slowly, taking all of her in. Her breathing was escalated the closer he stepped, and the cups of the lingerie barely held her breasts as they rose with every quiet gasp. With both hands, he took hold of the opening of the coat, his breath catching in his throat as she closed her eyes and gasped aloud, and did something he didn't think he had the strength to do. He slowly pulled it together, attaching each button before he tied the coat tie tightly.

"Sar.." he began, only to be interrupted by her lips desperately kissing him while her hands snaked into his hair.

"Stop," he demanded as he pushed her off gently, holding her at arms length.

"This was a bad idea," he breathed, running his hands over his face as he stepped away from her.

"Come on, Sid. Don't play hard to get." The husky and darkness of her voice usually called to his desire, and in the past he'd be as hard as a rock, but instead he was angry and wanted to end the charade before it escalated any further.

"You've got to stop doing this." His voice was low and almost menacing as he turned around to face her. "How the fuck am I supposed to move on if you call and show up every fifteen fucking minutes? I've seen you more in the past couple of weeks than I did throughout our entire separation. And what did we do each time? We fucked each other three ways from Sunday. Why is that, Sara? What do you want?" He only stopped his tirade when his voice raised multiple octaves.

"I want you," she whispered as she walked toward him, putting her hand up to touch him. He caught her hand and put it down next to her side. In the most appropriate and opportune moment, he thought of Parker. Kevin ended their relationship because Parker was blind, and that hadn't changed. Yet he managed to weasel his way back into her life. Sidney still had a meager and miserable ten percent chance of every impregnating a girl naturally, and that hadn't changed. Sara wanted him for noting but orgasms and sex.

"Sara," he sighed resignedly, "you don't want me. You want the pleasure I give you. Nothing has changed. You want children and I can't give them to you naturally, remember? It's over. It's over by your choice. You have to live with that."

Sara looked down at her hands that were folded together so tightly that her knuckles were white. She looked up only once, tears threatening to overflow, and when one did, it took Sidney everything he had not to wipe it from her face. She looked dejectedly at him and turned to leave.

He hadn't realized he was shaking until he put his key in the door to lock it, hearing faint sobs coming from the elevator bay. His instincts told him to run to her and hold her even if they were done, but he couldn't. He wouldn't. Putting his forehead against the door, he waited until he heard the elevator closed before he walked toward the stairwell.

* * *

><p>"Jersey, come on!" Parker called from the door, throwing her scarf around her neck a couple of times.<p>

"Time to go out!"

She set up the harness, expecting the hear Jersey's collar jingle as she ran to the door, but the only thing Parker heard was the faint sound of M83 playing in the kitchen. Walking into the bedroom, she walked toward the proximity of Jersey's bed, bending down to wake her, but when she felt the cool, undisturbed fleece of the dog bed, panic began to set in. Where could her dog have possibly gone? She walked over to the bathroom and opened the door, but nothing came of it. Repeating the action in the guest bathroom, praying she'd be locked inside by mistake, she opened the door to nothing. The only other place she didn't check was the guest bedroom. Stepping inside, a very pungent smell hit her in the face. It was a mixture of something foul and sweet, like stomach bile mixed with antifreeze. Following the smell, she found herself at the bed, but was disappointed when she didn't find Jersey on top of the mattress. She remembered Jersey would sleep under her bed when she was a puppy, and when she knelt down to feel under the bed, she felt Jersey's paw, but instantly pulled back when it was ice cold.

"No…" Parker said in complete shock and denial, pulling her sixty-pound dog out from under the bed. She was limp, listless, lifeless, but upon feeling her chest, Parker could feel a faint heartbeat, and she knew she needed to get Jersey to a hospital immediately.

"Parker?" Sidney called when he stepped into her apartment, confused when he found an empty dram of medication lining her hallway. He picked one up, having difficulty reading the medication because the prescription sticker was damaged with scratches. Stepping further down the hall, he called her again.

"I'm in here!" Parker shouted as she dragged Jersey into the hallway, trying not to panic. "I need help. I don't know what happened but I need to get her somewhere fast," Parker rattled as she paced back and forth.

Without a beat, Sidney shoved the dram into his pocket, picked Jersey up and put her over his shoulder. Once she was secure, he grabbed Parker's hand, pulling her with him as he headed for the elevators.

"Sit in the back with her," he insisted to Parker, who stood at the car door, completely numb at the idea that her one true companion was near death. When Sidney looked at her, he could see that she was paralyzed with fear. Taking her hand again, he helped her into the backseat of his vehicle, buckling her in as he gave her reassuring words of encouragement about Jersey.

Parker silently prayed in the backseat as she petted Jersey's head repeatedly, something that they did on the couch together. Parker would listen to the television while Jersey slept on her lap. Closing her eyes, Parker hoped she and Jersey could do it again, at least once more.

"We're here," Sidney said as he slammed the car into park, jumping out to retrieve Jersey from Parker's lap. The force of Sidney's movements to get Jersey out caused her to vomit again, this time all over Parker's legs and his backseat.

"Wait here while I get her inside. I'll be right back," he shouted as he moved swiftly to the door, leaving Parker outside.

Sidney barely made it ten feet into the door before a receptionist recognized the dire situation, making an announcement that an emergency was in the lobby. Two women and a man ran into the lobby to retrieve Jersey, running her back into a closed off area while another receptionist took his information.

"Mr. Crosby, is this your dog?" the receptionist asked with a pad of paper, immediately recognizing him, but treating him in a professional manner.

"Its my friend's dog. Her name is Jersey. She was found like this about fifteen minutes ago. My friend doesn't know what happened but I think she ingested this medication," he told the receptionist as he handed over the empty dram and his credit card.

"Put everything on this. I don't care how much it is. Do whatever you have to do to save her. I'll be right back."

He jogged back out to the car to find Parker trying to scrub his backseat with the napkins he kept in the backseat for Phoebe. Her face was red and splotchy, crying quietly as she wiped up the seat, missing a huge portion in the process. Without saying anything, Sidney pulled Parker out of the car and into an embrace. He felt her stiffen at the unforeseen movement, but when he soothingly ran his hand through her hair, she relaxed as she returned the embrace as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, quietly crying into the crook of his neck and shoulder.

"Its ok. She's in great hands. They'll take care of her," he soothed her softly as they subtly rocked back and forth in the veterinary parking lot. He was grateful that the emergency facility was relatively vacant; the threat of someone noticing him in Parker's presence was slim.

"What if she dies?" Parker whispered with panic in her voice. As she asked, she inadvertently gripped his coat tighter.

"She's strong. Whatever's wrong, she'll pull through." He said it, knowing full well that he was trying to make Parker feel better, to give her hope where there was none like she'd done for him weeks before. He didn't have a clue what would happen. He didn't know how toxic that medication was for a dog to ingest, but given how limp and lifeless she was, he knew it wasn't good.

"I need to clean out your backseat," she said, still gripping him tightly.

"Don't worry about that. Phoebe's peed on those seats many times," he chuckled, pulling her off so he could look at her, rewarded with a sad smile and sound that resembled a laugh. Parker looked devastated and tired, the blue in her eyes brighter than ever surrounded by the redness of crying. Reaching out, he wiped her cheeks with his thumbs, feeling strangely elated that he hadn't wasted that same sentiment on Sara twenty minutes earlier. Taking her hand in his, they walked into the hospital and into an exam room to wait for the news on Jersey.

Parker was trying with no avail to wipe some of the vomit off of her jeans when the doctor came in with an update. She and Sidney had been waiting in the exam room for over an hour expecting and update on Jersey's progress.

"Well, Ms. Fisher. It looks like Jersey is in acute renal failure from the toxicity of the medication she ingested. I gave her some toxoban to reverse some of the toxicity and she is alert. I'd like to keep her here for a couple of days to monitor her lab work. There is a good chance that she could turn around fully, but she needs to have her kidney's flushed to see if the acute damage is permanent."

"Ok," Parker sighed as a tear ran down her face. She'd had her tasimelteon filled that morning for her sleeping disorder and hadn't realized it had fallen out of her pocket when she got home. While Parker knew it was all an accident, the measure of guilt was overwhelming.

"I wish I could give you better news at this point, but we'll monitor her very closely and keep you updated on her progress."

"Can she see Jersey before we leave?" Sidney asked, taking Parker off guard. She didn't know it was even an option to see Jersey.

"Absolutely," the doctor smiled kindly.

"Will you come with me, Sidney?" Parker held her hand out expectantly.

"I, uh. I.." Sidney stuttered, knowing someone would recognize him, ruining his anonymity. As if on cue, the doctor spoke up.

"Ms. Fisher, I can only allow you to see Jersey at this time."

"Oh. Ok," Parker shook her head in disappointed understanding.

"I'll be right here waiting," Sidney told Parker as she followed, gripping the doctor's arm in guidance.

* * *

><p>The car ride back to the apartments was quiet except for the sound of soft holiday music playing in the car. Parker was lost in thought as she placed her head against the cool window and Sidney trying to think of a way to console her as she mentally blamed herself for Jersey's declined condition.<p>

"We're back," Sidney announced softly, pulling Parker out of her head as he put the car in park, turning off the ignition.

"Can I come home with you," Parker asked suddenly, her voice low and numb. On the one hand, it sounded like something a girl would say for a chance to get into his pants, but he knew Parker didn't mean it in that way. She would probably be lonely without Jersey by her side and wanted some company or a distraction of sorts.

"Yes," he responded before he quickly exited the car and opened her door, the two walking in silence toward the elevator bay.

The elevator seemed to be rising slowly, slower than usual, and as he looked at Parker, he felt devastated that she was so distressed and melancholy. She was always upbeat and happy, and her eternal optimism was contagious and addictive. But now she was lost in fear of the unknown for her guide dog, her independence, and he wasn't sure how to fix it.

Leading her into his place, he watched her walk numbly toward his couch, feeling her way as she moved until she found his couch.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"Alcohol," she responded.

"I have whiskey and an old bottle of tequila," he listened, pulling down two bourbon glasses.

"Tequila," she muttered as she toed her shoes off, folding her legs Indian style on the couch.

"I don't have any lime," he sat beside her, pouring them two shots of tequila. He handed her a glass, surprised at how quickly she took the shot, placing the glass back on the table, screwing her face up in disgust. After four more shots, Sidney lied and told her the tequila was gone, not wanting her to treat her sadness and guilt with alcohol. He'd been there and done that, woken up and functioned too many times on a nasty hangover after Sara.

"What was the medication for," Sidney asked as he turned on the television.

"I have a circadian rhythm disorder because I can't differentiate between day and night. I sometimes lie awake at night because I've slept all day without even knowing it. I've got two or three days without sleep," she explained as she yawned.

"I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight," she sighed resignedly, knowing that without Jersey beside her, she'd be awake all night worried about her.

"Why is that?"

"Because Jersey has slept with me every night since I got her. I've never slept alone," she shrugged.

"Parker, you're welcomed to stay here. I have a spare room," Sidney suggested, wondering if she'd be able to sleep if someone else was in the vicinity. She looked exhausted and he wanted her to get a good night's sleep given the events of the evening.

"That's kind of you," she yawned again, "but I wouldn't want to put you out."

"You'd hardly be putting me out," he chuckled. "Besides, you could always start my braille lessons again," he joked, attempting to bring up the good spirit of their conversation from earlier. He was rewarded with a genuine smile.

"Stay and watch TV with me. If you want to go home later, I'll walk you," he pulled her closer, putting her arm around her casually. Initially he wasn't sure how she'd react, but when she leaned into him, putting her head on his shoulder, he put his feet on the coffee table and turned on Wedding Crashers. Within minutes, Sidney looked to Parker to find her sleeping against him, looking peaceful and stress free. Rearranging so that he was sitting with his back against the armrest and his legs along the couch cushions, he pulled Parker to him so that she could get more comfortable, lying half on him and half off. She'd done so much for him in the past weeks, and while letting her stay was only miniscule in comparison, he hoped he'd given her some kind of solace in dealing with Jersey.


	11. Chapter 11

He flipped mindlessly through the channels, hoping something would catch his interest. It was going on eleven in the evening and at this rate, he'd be dragging himself to practice in the morning. He wasn't tired, having tried to make himself go to sleep twice already to no avail. He knew part of the reason was because he was lying on his couch and not in his bed, but he didn't want to move and risk waking Parker up, especially given his new found knowledge dealing with her sleeping problems. She'd been sleeping on him so soundly that he had to check to make sure she was breathing at one point.

His phone vibrated on the coffee table with a notification. Stretching his arm to the max, he slowly reached for the phone, again trying not to disturb Parker. The notification was from one of the trivia games he and his teammates played together, alerting him that Geno asked for a challenge. He opened the app and started the challenge, winning five of the six questions before they continued a regular game. He was so consumed in the game that he wasn't aware his phone would make noise after every correct answer. He didn't even realize he was reading the questions aloud.

"What is the largest bone in the human body?" he murmured quietly, scanning the four possibly answers before he pressed femur, be rewarded with a correct answer and another spin on the trivia wheel.

"How many innings are there in a standard Major League baseball game? That's easy," he mumbled as he correctly answered the question.

The wheel landed on art as a category, his least favorite and lowest correct answer average.

"Which WWII leader failed as an art student? Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini, or Truman?" Wracking his brain back to any World War II discussion he had in school, he tried to remember any of the facts in the twenty five seconds he was allotted to answer the question. He was momentarily distracted when Parker started to stir, nuzzling against him in a way that he hadn't expected or anticipated. Her face was in the crook of his neck, resting comfortably on his shoulder, but when she nuzzled into his neck, her nose and lips lightly grazed his skin, and that mixed with the breath of her exhales gave him goose bumps. She kneaded her fingers into his chest before caressing it simultaneously as her feet nestled and wove themselves in between his, all while she unconsciously readjusted, fast asleep. It stopped as soon as it started, opening his eyes once he realized they were closed. He stared at the ceiling, internally admonishing himself for the stirring of arousal he felt in that moment, his skin still tingling where her nose, lips, and breath caressed him in a way he hadn't been touched in a while. He phone made a disgruntled noise as he ran out of time to answer the question.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath as he put his phone down on top of his chest, waiting for Geno to get a question wrong. He didn't have long to focus on the television before he was alerted that it was his turn again. Spinning the trivia wheel, it landed on art, and he rolled his eyes.

"Which is the meaning of 'Mesopotamia' in Greek?" he whispered, and repeated the question as if reading it a second time would make the answer jump out.

"Between two rivers," Parker mumbled sleepily against his neck, smiling and stifling laughter as he physically jumped when she spoke unexpectedly. "Hurry up and answer before you run out of time," she giggled.

"Was I being too loud?" he asked as he put his phone down again.

"No," she shook her head against him. "You were running your fingers up and down my back."

He didn't realize he was even doing it and felt a little embarrassed that he was absentmindedly doing such an intimate gesture without his own knowledge. It wasn't something he did with Sara, and he didn't know where it came from.

"What's the next question?" She whispered.

He cleared his throat, settling in to play trivia with Parker against Geno. "Geography. 'What are the berg, the bise, and the bora?' Options are whirlpools, wastelands, waterfalls, or winds."

"Berg, bise, and bora?" she concentrated aloud. "I think its either winds or waterfalls, but I'm not sure. I'm not great with geography," she shrugged.

"Some help you are," he teased, pinching her lightly on the hip, making her curl against him, laughing into his neck.

"I think its wind," she says through laughter.

"Lucky guess," he told her after he pressed "winds" and got the answer correct.

He answered a couple of sports questions correctly before the wheel landed on art again. "In William Golding's Lord of the Flies, who was the sole surviving pro…"

"Ralph," she answered before he could finish the question or give her the options.

"Show off," he muttered as he squeezed the ticklish part of her hip again, making her laugh and bow against him again.

"That question was easy. Give me a hard one."

"Answer this. 'Which Canadian hockey team won the gold metal at the 2010 Winter Olympics?' Both men and women, men, women, or none of the above."

Looking down, he watched her think about the possibilities, furrowing her brows together as she thought hard.

"I don't know," she admitted.

"You didn't watch?" he asked as he answered the question correctly, spinning the wheel to the next category.

"I did, but I don't remember. What was the answer?"

"I'm not telling you," he smiled. "You'll have to figure it out and tell me the next time we see each other."

Sidney continued to play, unaware that Parker was quiet until he saw her hand wipe her cheek. Her cheek was shiny in the light of his cellphone screen.

"What's wrong?" He purposely dropped his phone on the floor.

"I'm worried about Jersey," she sniffled quietly.

Sidney didn't know how to respond, so in the absence of words, he wrapped both arms around her and hugged her tighter against him, purposely running his thumb up and down her back in a soothing manner. They laid together, Sidney embracing Parker as she worried in his arms, for a while before he heard the slow, heavy breathing of sleep coming from Parker. Turning his gaze back toward the television, he flicked through more channels until his eyelids grew heavy, closing them for a moment before falling asleep.

* * *

><p>"Fuck!"<p>

The loud expletive jolted Sidney from his sleep, confused as to what was going on. He was in his apartment, it was still dark outside, and Parker was clumsily trying to climb over his from her spot on his couch. As she tried to get over him, she accidently put her knee on his lower abdomen, making him wince.

"Oww!"

"I'm sorry!" Parker exclaimed as she abruptly removed her knee, only to lose balance and head butt him, causing him to grunt loudly in pain. She instantly reared back from the collusion, instinctively trying to soothe Sidney from wherever she hit him, only to poke him in the eye above the already bruised cheek.

"Parker! Stop moving!" he said forcefully to get her attention. He didn't understand why she was in a panic, but she couldn't see that she was literally wedged between him and the couch cushions, and his eye and cheek were throbbing with pain from the head butt. "You're trapped in between me and the couch. Let me help you," Sidney said in a softer tone. Rising himself, he held a hand out for her, leading her to the floor.

"Are you ok?" she asked concernedly.

"I'll be ok. I'm used to having black eyes."

"Why is that?" She looked thoroughly confused but intrigued.

"Growing up playing hockey… recreationally. Pucks or sticks to the face are pretty common." His explanation sounded unconvincing as he sounded rushed and put on the spot for an answer, but she didn't look skeptical.

"Now, why the rush to get up?"

"I'm late for work and Meara will be here to pick me up any minute," Parker explained as she tried to contain her mild panic. "I think I can get downstairs on my own."

Slipping on his flip flops, he quickly took hold of Parker's hand and walked her out of his apartment, swiftly walking toward the stairs.

"Sidney, wait… I,"

He knew she probably felt uncomfortable going down the stairs, especially at his face past. Without any warning, he picked her up, startling her as she gripped onto his shoulders and shirt, and ran down the stairs with her, putting her back on her feet when he reached the door to her floor. He pulled her quickly to her door, watching her keys out of her pocket. She opened her door and hesitated on walking in, and he wasn't sure if she was afraid to go in because of what happened the night before, or if her reluctance was because of something else entirely. Parker turned to face him abruptly, her face full of gratitude, expectation, and something else. She held out her hand, and he took it into his as if he'd been doing it for years, as if it was second nature. She moved very close to him, never letting go of his hand until it traveled up his arm and over his shoulder, feeling for his face. Her hand spread across his cheek where she hit him earlier, but he was so enrapture in what she was doing that he didn't mind, and if it hurt, he couldn't feel it.

"I'll never be able to fully thank you for all that you've done for Jersey and I. I'm not sure what I did to deserve a friend like you."

"I could say the same thing," he said as he grasped her hand that was resting on his cheek.

Leaning in, Parker moved her thumb, and at first Sidney didn't know what she was doing until she swept it lightly over his lips. She leaned in further, lips parted, and he thought she was going to kiss him, but as her lips came within centimeters of his, she frowned slightly and moved her lips to his opposing cheek, kissing it lightly before she turned to walk into her apartment, closing the door behind her.

* * *

><p>Parker got ready in record time, putting on her flats as her doorbell sounded. Opening her door, she was greeted by Meara, who made a disgusted noise as she walked in.<p>

"Why does it smell like death in here?"

"Because Jersey got into my sleeping medication and vomited all over the guest bedroom. I'll explain later," Parker huffed exhaustedly.

"Is she ok?" Meara asked apprehensively.

"No. She's being hospitalized for acute renal failure. They're rerunning labwork later today to see if her IV fluids have turned around the damage done."

"I'm so sorry, Park." Meara pulled Parker into a hug. "Maybe you should call out today. I'm sure the principal would understand," she suggested as she rubbed Parker's shoulder.

"I need the distraction," Parker smiled weakly as she grabbed her coat and walking stick, motioning for the two of them to leave.

The ride was silent, and Parker knew the questions would start at any moment. Their rides to school were never quiet, always filled with conversations about anything and everything. Parker hoped Meara would assume her quietness was due to Jersey's absence, when in reality, she was flustered with her current dilemma. She was going on a date with Kevin that evening, and didn't know if she should cancel or not, given that she was seconds and centimeters away from kissing Sidney only twenty minutes prior.

"What's going on upstairs?" Meara asked on cue.

"I'm going on a date tonight."

"With who?" Meara asked excitedly.

"Kevin," Parker muttered unenthusiastically.

"You sound beyond thrilled," Meara laughed sarcastically.

"I was when he asked originally, but I'm not sure anymore," Parker sighed. "I'm taken with someone else, and I think he likes me, too."

"Date both of them and see who you like more," Meara suggested as she pulled into the school parking lot, putting the car in park.

"I've already been with Kevin. The other guy is completely different. He doesn't make me feel abnormal. He respects my boundaries to do things on my own, and even when he doesn't, I don't mind because I don't feel handicapped around him. He walked in on me trying to get Jersey out of the apartment and took control right away without any hesitation. It's actually the second time he's come to my rescue when it comes to Jersey."

"I think you just made up your mind."

"I actually made up my mind this morning when he walked me back to my apartment and I almost kissed him, switching to his cheek at the last minute when I remembered Kevin."

"What's his name?" Meara asked, glee evident in her voice.

"Sidney," Parker responded with a smile.

"What does he do?"

"Something with ice skates," Parker responds as she pulls her scarf tighter around her neck.

"Parker, you're not talking about Sidney Crosby, are you?"

Parker's laugh was loud and hearty, one that could probably be heard outside of the car. She was gripping her stomach as the full belly laughter started to hurt. "Meara, don't be ridiculous! Crosby is probably happily married and living in the affluent suburbs, not living at an apartment building spending his spare time with me. The Sidney I'm referring to manufactures skates and is not the captain of the Penguins." Parker started laughing again as she opened the door and extended her walking stick, shutting the door as she walked toward the administration door opening.

* * *

><p>"What's up with you, man?" Marc asked Sidney with a swing of his stick against his leg pads. "You're quiet and brooding, clearly distracted. And what's with the bruise on your face?"<p>

"I didn't sleep well last night," Sidney said cryptically as he practiced a new move he'd been cultivating.

"Finally back in the game?" Marc wiggled his eyebrows suggestively with a large grin. Sidney looked at him but didn't respond physically or mentally to the lewd comment. "I got hit in the face this morning."

"Here?" Marc asked him confusedly.

"No. At my apartment," he shot the puck forcefully into the net. Skating to get another puck, he noticed Marc's bewildered facial expression.

"Parker stayed the night and head butted me this morning by accident when she tried to get up. She was stuck between me and the couch," he explained quietly, trying not to cause any unwanted attention from his other teammates.

"She stayed the night?" Marc said in disbelief.

"It's not like that. Her guide dog is sick and she didn't want to be alone." Could it be like that? He remembered their morning, how he felt before, during, and after their very intimate moment at her door. It started with the innocent nuzzling into his neck and body as she slept, continuing to the way she felt her way from his hand to his face, the way she felt for his lips with her thumb drove him wild. Walking back to his apartment, he was disappointed she didn't kiss him. Before he realized it, he was recounting the entire night and morning to Marc as he was thinking it.

"Dude, she was probably waiting for you to go in for the kill and you stalled. She kissed your cheek to lighten the blow. Smooth," Marc shook his head reproachfully smile.

"You're probably right," Sidney muttered as he distractedly fiddled with his stick.

"She still doesn't know who you are, does she?"

"I don't think so. She'd never alluded to knowing," Sidney shrugged as he put his weight on his stick.

"I can see that going over really well when she realizes the ice skate manufacturer gimmick was a lie. You've got to tell her the truth. Shit or get off the pot, man," Marc shoved him amiably as the coach called the beginning of practice.

* * *

><p>"Is everything ok, Ms. Fisher?"<p>

The question caught Parker off guard as she pulled her head from its resting place on her hand.

"Everything is fine, Gemma," Parker smiled unconvincingly at her student.

"You never allow free periods. You seem… off… like you're sad."

"My guide dog isn't well," Parker admitted to appease Gemma's inquiring mind. That and she was thoroughly confused and exhausted about what she should do with the Sidney and Kevin situation.

"I hope she gets better," Gemma said sincerely, and Parker smiled appreciatively in return. "I wanted to give this to you for Christmas," Gemma explained as she put an envelope on top of Parker's hand.

"Gemma, you know you don't have to give me anything," Parker smiled uncomfortably.

"I know, but you're my favorite teacher and my dad and I couldn't use them."

Parker opened the envelope and pulled out two flashcard sized pieces of paper with a glossy finish. They felt like tickets of some sort. She looked up at Gemma expectantly.

"They're Pens tickets. Section 122 on the glass."

"Gemma, this is too much. You didn't need to buy these for me. A coffee mug would've sufficed."

"Ms. Fisher, my dad has season tickets and we'll be out of town. Please take them."

"Thank you," Parker said with a genuine smile, putting them in her purse. She thought about whom she could take with her, and only one person popped into her mind as a suitable companion. She'd ask Sidney if he wanted to join her.

"Gemma," Parker called for Gemma to return, "You're an avid hockey fan. Which Canadian hockey team won the gold metal at the 2010 Olympics?"

"Both the men's and women's teams," Gemma told her before the bell rang, indicating the end of the school day. Pulling out her cellphone, she initiated her voice to text option.

"Both the men and women Canadian hockey teams won gold at the 2010 Olympics. I'll take my next trivia question at any time," she spoke into her phone. Smiling to herself, she couldn't wait for Sidney to read it.


End file.
